{When My Eyes Cannot See}

It's been a long time, almost a year since I've sat down and written for the blog. If I'm going to be honest with you, I have to tell you that it's been a really hard year. Some of that is due to the results of my own choices, some of it because of the choices of others. But what I can tell you today is that despite the struggles of the last year, despite the ocean of tears I have cried, I have learned a lot about myself and who I am. I can say that I am not the person I was a year ago and  I like the person I am today. It's taken a lot for this person to get here, but I'm glad she's here. There are people I would like to thank for the things they've taught me through various situations, and maybe some day I'll get that opportunity. But over the last year, I had decided, I was done with the blog. I didn't really feel like there was anything I could say or wanted to say that would have an impact on anyone's life. Until I sat down to do my bible study this evening and God began to place this on my heart. And honestly, maybe I'm writing this more for myself than any of you.

When I was young, I struggled a lot with doubting my salvation. Had I really made that decision? Was I really going to spend eternity in Heaven if I died? Had God really changed my life? I don't know how many times I asked God those questions and asked that if I hadn't made that decision he would save me right then. I wish I could tell you that I had this huge life changing "ah-ha" moment when everything changed. All  I remember is that after a week at one of the many church camps I went to growing up, I knew that I knew. In that week, God reminded me that I knew him; that I had made the decision to follow him at a young age, and I didn't have any need to doubt that any longer.

The lessons I learned that week would be lessons that would take me through middle school, high school, college, and most of my early adult life. I can think of very few times over the last 10-15 years that I doubted God's plans or His goodness. I certainly didn't doubt my salvation any longer. But then 2015 happened and it seemed that everything changed. The foundation I had built over all those years, faithfully trusting God's plans and His goodness seemed to shift like a house built on sand and I often wondered if I would make it out.

As life has unfolded over the last year and I've walked through one situation after another, I have cried out to God to show me His plans time and time again. I have questioned whether He wanted me to take path A or B and if either of them were good. I have questioned whether He could take the broken pieces I brought before Him and ever redeem them. I am ashamed to tell you how many times I have asked Him over the last year if He was even good, if He had forgotten about me, and why He hadn't come through for me in certain situations.

Over the last year, I don’t know the number of times my prayer has been, "I think this is your will but…what if I'm wrong? What if I'm missing what you have here? What if I'm seeking my own will and not yours? What if I'm misreading everything." It seemed that I had once again become that girl that doubted who God was. I didn't question my salvation, but I certainly questioned the goodness of God or the plans that He had for me. I began to struggle with anxiety, depression, and really felt like I was drowning in the situations before me. Somehow by God's grace however, I kept clinging (if only with the weakest grasp) to what I knew, and that was the fact that somewhere, below all the chaos, the confusion, the hurt, the struggle, and the noise, I knew God. I knew that no matter what each day brought or how hard of a struggle it was, I knew that I knew. I knew that He was a good God and He would continue to walk with me, even in the hard times.

Not much about the situations of the last year have changed. As I write this tonight, there are still a lot of things that I can't see and a lot of things that seem like impossible situations to my human mind. But over the last week, as I have diligently prayed for God to lead me in His will and to give me peace in those situations, the doubt, the fear, the uncertainties have begun to fade. But there are still moments when I find myself questioning the things I know. When I wonder if maybe I am wrong; if maybe I'm seeking my will over His and if everything that He's shown me I've misread. Even as I sat down for my bible study tonight, I felt those questions on the surface, those doubts were once again there and I asked God to show me, to give me a visible sign of the things he had for me. And then I turned to John 14:7-10

"If you had known Me, you would have known My Father also; from now on you know Him and have seen Him." Philip said to him, "Lord show us the Father, and it is enough for us." Jesus said to him, "Have I been so long with you, and yet you have not come to know Me, Philip? He who has seen Me has seen the Father; how can you say, 'Show us the Father' Do you not believe that I am in the Father, and the Father is in Me? The words that I say to you I do not speak on My own initiative but the Father abiding in Me does His works."

In those four versus, I saw myself in Philip. How many times had I cried out that God would "show me" His plans. Philip had been there, he had seen Jesus, he had spent time with Him, he had known the works of His hands yet he asked Jesus for more. In his own doubt, he asked for proof to see the one whom he should have already known. It's a humbling moment to see your own doubt written on the pages of scripture. How many times does God want to say "Katie, after all this time don’t you know me by now?" And the truth is I do. I know who He is, I know what His voice sounds like, and I know Him well enough to know His plans for my life as He reveals them to me. I may not have all the pieces to the puzzle and I may not know the outcomes of all the situations in my life right now, but even when my eyes can't see, I know that I know. I know that I can reach out my hand to the one that's always there and I know that He will lead me.

For so long, I have cried out to God asking him to show me, to give me visible proof in order to trust and follow in faith. What I had forgotten however was that I already had everything I needed to follow in faith, and that is Christ himself. I know Him. I know the one what sacrificed His own life for mine. I know what His voice sounds like and I know what His peace feels like when it washes over me. I don't need visible proof of what I already know in order to follow.

Tonight I hope you know that as well. Sometimes the roads are dark, the paths are rocky, and sometimes life is just hard. Sometimes our eyes can't see where we're going or what lies ahead, but I pray that you know the one who knows. Remember that He is good. Remember that His plans are so much greater than anything we can even comprehend. Remember that that when you know Him, you know the Father. Remember that He is the God who makes the impossible possible and even when you can't see, even when the clouds of doubt threaten to block your view, you know Him. And He is a good God. When your eyes can't see, you don't need visible proof to follow the one you already know.  

{The Blessing Of Encouragement}

Let me start by saying this- my attitude lately has been less than stellar. When it comes to handling stress apparently, I'm just not. And that's not me. For the most part, I feel like I typically handle things well but in the past few weeks, it's like I'm a whole different person.

That being said, I really am trying. I'm trying to daily make a decision to choose joy and to lift my eyes a little higher than this world and its brokenness, focusing on the peace and hope of eternity.

Last Wednesday I thought I was doing really well. I had made a conscious effort all day to choose joy instead of an attitude of bitterness. Do you ever have those moments where you think you're doing really good? You think you've got things figured out. Your handling the stress of the day well and things finally seem to be heading in the right direction? Helpful hint- if you're there, don't say it out loud. Because I can almost guarantee as soon as you do, something is going to come and try to knock you over.

Obviously I'm speaking from experience. I couldn't even tell you now what set me off Wednesday afternoon. But something did and I spent most of the 20 minute drive to bible study trying to ward off tears. And then I spent most of the hour at bible study trying to do the same.

Now, I typically try to hide my emotions, especially tears and disappointment in most situations. I'm almost always unsuccessful but I try. Apparently Wednesday I was once again unsuccessful because by the time I got home Wednesday night I had messages from two different people asking me if I was ok and offering encouragement.

Those first two messages Wednesday night must have started something. Because in the last week, I've gotten messages or had conversations  with six different people that told me I had been on their heart, they had been thinking about me, and praying for me.

Thursday morning while I was at work, I got a message from a lady in bible study. Someone who I had never met but who had gotten my name as someone to pray for during the week and who had noticed my lack of a smile the night before. Her encouragement and prayer Thursday morning blessed my life more at that moment than I think she could have possibly known.

I have been absolutely overwhelmed by the blessing of encouragement in my life this week. I can promise you this- when you have six different people tell you that they're thinking about you and praying for you,  choosing joy is the only natural reaction. It's amazing because of those six people, I hadn't had a conversation about what I was dealing with or even that I was struggling with any of them. But they each allowed themselves to be a blessing by reaching out when God laid me on their hearts and it began to change my attitude on everything.

I can't stop thinking, that's exactly how The Church is intended to function. When we see someone struggling or walking through a tough season, we should always be there to offer encouragement and support. Unfortunately what I see all too often in "The Church" today is more hurt and more wounding when someone is already struggling.

Life is tough enough and I would hate for anyone to ever feel like they have to walk through it alone. I certainly didn't deserve the blessing I received this week with each message of encouragement or each prayer, but gosh, what a gift and what an encouragement that things weren't as bad as they felt in that moment.

I sincerely hope that each of you have people in your lives that are there for support and encouragement when you need them. And I hope that you can be that person for someone else. If we all took the time to encourage the people around us each day, there's no doubt in my mind lives would be changed and this world would be a better place.

I used to worry about what people would think if I sent them a text or a message out of the blue and told them I had been thinking about them or praying for them; that they would think I was weird or that it would freak them out. But I don't anymore. In all my years of life, I can't think of a single person who didn't appreciate a little bit of encouragement or to know that someone was thinking about them and cared enough to say it. I'm convinced at the very core of who we are, everyone just wants to be known and to know that someone, somewhere cares about them.

So if someone's on your mind, tell them. Let them know that you care and let them know you're there as a support if and when they need you. Maybe they're walking through a small storm right now and they just need some encouragement to keep going. Maybe they aren't walking through a battle yet but one's coming. Let them know you're ready when the time comes. Let them know that you care about them, because it's always nice to know that you have people in your corner supporting and ready to fight with you; and it just might change everything for them.

{What I've Learned About Being Vulnerable And Taking Risks}

 A dear friend reminded me that today is the 1 year anniversary of the blog. I'm glad she knew, because I certainly didn't. I'll be honest, I've been seriously neglecting the blog for the last few months but I'm hoping to get back into the swing of things soon. So in honor of that,  today I started thinking back over the last year of the my life and this blog and about the things I've learned and experienced.

If I had to choose one thing I've learned the most in the past twelve months, its to be vulnerable and to take risks. Ok, maybe that’s two things. When I started writing this blog, I wanted to be open and honest about the things I was struggling with, the things I was going through, and the things God was teaching me. I knew that would be easy at times, difficult at others. Even in a time where everything about anything is on social media, I always want to put my best foot forward. So being open about struggles and difficulties here on the blog certainly puts me in a position of vulnerability at times.  But what I didn't realize was how much I would learn about being vulnerable and taking risks in my life outside of the blog.

I think for a lot of us, the word vulnerable has negative connotations.  It definitely does for me at times. But I'm trying to change my idea of that word because I don't think it has to be negative. I think that all too often we feel like we have to always be strong, always put our best foot forward, and we can't let people see our struggles because they might think us weak. But what's wrong with letting people see that we're human? The truth is, it doesn't matter how tough we try to make ourselves, we all have a breaking point. We all have things that are going to get to us, things that we're going to struggle with, things we're going to suck at, things people aren't going to like about us, but deep down, those are the very things that make us who we are.

To really know someone, to let someone really know you, we have to be vulnerable. We can spend a lot of time putting on a facade but at some point, we have to make a choice- either we allow people to see, and I mean really see who we are or we choose to never really know anyone. I don't know about you, but that's not how I want to live life. Whether it's in our families, our friendships, our dating relationships, our marriages, whatever it is, at some point we have to decide to let people see who we really are, the good, the bad, and the ugly.  When we make that decision to be vulnerable and to take risks, I think we really start living life. We start weeding out the people and things in our lives that aren’t good for us, and replacing them with the things that are.

For this first born, type A personality person, taking risks certainly doesn't come easy for me. For the first 25 1/2 years of my life, I was a planner (ok I definitely still am). Before moving into any situation, I face it head on, I weigh the consequences, I think through every possible scenario and outcome, and in a lot of those situations in the past, I've decided that the risk was not worth the reward. I wont say that doing that has kept me from living life, but I do think that it kept me from really being the person I was meant to be.

I've jokingly been saying for the past 7-8ish months that I'm in a rebel phase of life. But what I've realized in the past few weeks, is that I'm finally being who I want to be, fully being the person God created me to be. And that's a person who doesn't ALWAYS have to play life safe. It's a person that's realized that sometimes the greatest things in life come from taking chances. And sometimes the risk isn't worth the reward but it's still a chance worth taking.

I can almost pin point the moment in the last twelve months when things began to change in my life, when I decided that being vulnerable and taking risks wasn't necessarily a bad things. I can tell you that making that decision was scary and one that I put a lot of thought into but one that in hindsight I can tell you I don't regret. It was a decision that taught me a lot about myself and being vulnerable with other people, no matter what the outcome.

I've heard it said that the only things we regret in life are the chances we didn't take. I can't think of a truer statement for the last year of my life.  Life doesn't always turn out like we want it to. Sometimes being vulnerable and taking risks doesn't lead us down paths we THOUGHT we would take but that doesn't mean it wasn't a path we were meant to travel.

Vulnerability is not comfortable. No one wants to put themselves in a position where they can be hurt or where things seemingly fall apart. But what I've learned is, that's just living life. If we aren't ever willing to be vulnerable, we're never going to see the benefits that come from taking risks. Great things never come from standing in out comfort zones forever. Even as I write this, I think back to Peter walking on water. Sure, everyone wants to harp on the fact that Peter took his eyes off Jesus and started to sink. But what I love most about that story is that Peter was willing to get out of the boat. He was willing to take a risk and because of that, he saw great reward as he walked to Jesus on the water.

I don't want to be one of the 11 disciples left in the boat my whole life. I want to boldly go after the things God has for me in life. I want to be vulnerable and to take risks. I want people to know without a doubt that I care about them enough to let them see those things I'd most often rather keep tucked away for no one to know.

Most importantly, I don’t want to look back at any situation in my life and regret not taking a risk, not living life to the fullest simply because I was scared of being vulnerable and having things crash and burn. Will things always workout the way I want them to? Absolutely not. There will be things that I fail at, more than once I'm sure. There will be people who don't like me. There will be people that are better at certain things than I am. But if I've learned anything about being vulnerable and taking risks, I've learned that it's ok to fail. The journey, with it's ups and downs is what makes life worth living.

If you take anything at all away from this blog, I hope that you take away my encouragement to be vulnerable and take risks. I can almost guarantee that things wont always turn out the way you want them to but that doesn't mean you won't end up with something even greater. It doesn't matter if you're struggling with being vulnerable and taking risks in a relationship with a friend or significant other, a career move, or some other major life decision, in 10 years the things you're going to regret the most are the chances that you didn't take. Life is too short not to take chances and to always be afraid of being vulnerable. At some point we may not have another opportunity to tell people how we really feel or what we really want in life. We may not get another opportunity to take the job of a lifetime or to do that thing we've always wanted to do. So please do me one favor- take a risk, be vulnerable, and know that no matter what happens your journey is better for it. 

{If I Could Tell You One Thing}

If I could tell you one thing, it would be that God loves you. If it seems like a simple statement, it's because it is. Somewhere along the line however, we have made it into a conditional, self serving, only applicable to the people we feel deserve it, type of statement. And I feel that our lack of application and sharing of God's love with those around us stems from our own lack of understanding in our individual lives.

But what if that changed. What if we really understood that God loves us? How would our lives be different? How would our interactions with others be different? How would our country and our world be different?

I grew up in the church. I grew up always "knowing" that God loved me. And I know it now. But it hasn't been until recently that God has so graciously reminded me and laid that truth on my heart, knitting it into the fabric of who I am. He loves me. Me, a sinner who at times CHOOSES to live a life contrary to his truth.  He knows what I've done. He knows who I am. He knows how I've already failed him and how I'll fail him tomorrow. But he loves me. He knew each of those things when he placed his son on the cross to die for my sins yet he chose to do it anyways. Nothing about my life or my choices surprises him. And he still loves me.

If you don't ever get anything else out of what I say in life, my prayer is that you too would know that God loves you. Let that sink in. The God of the universe, the one who spoke the world and creation into being, the one that is not bound by the limits of time or space, loves you. He loves you. And he wants a relationship with you.

He doesn't care about your past. He doesn't care about the things you've done or said. The truth is, even when you didn't realize it, he was there in those moments with you and he loved you regardless.

Sometimes people wonder why a "loving God" allows bad things to happen in the world, and its because of His love that he does. He as a loving and just God, allows man one of the greatest gifts we could ever have, free will, because he loves us. But because of that, we frequently screw things up. We make poor decisions, we give in to temptation and sin and as a result, we often find ourselves on the ground looking up.

But please don't lose heart my friends. Even in those moments, God still loves you and he is still right there with you. He is waiting for you to call out to him, take his hand, and allow him to bring you out of darkness. God doesn't take away the bad things we've seen, or done, or been through in our lives but when we allow him to, His love begins to shine light into the darkest of places and where there is light, darkness cannot remain any longer.

My prayer for the last few weeks has been that each of you will KNOW the love of a holy God. That you would begin to look at your life and you would begin to see light where there has always been darkness 

I pray that you would know that NO MATTER WHAT, God still and always will love you. Nothing you have done or will do, surprises him. He already knew it and he already died for it. Realize that freedom- he knew every sin you would ever commit against him, and he still died to forgive it. He didn't wait for you to get your life together and to stop sinning, he died for you, exactly the way you were, because he loves you.

I will not deny that I make poor decisions in my life, but God in the fullness of who he is, still loves me. He still offers peace, hope, and forgiveness wherever I am. And he wants to do the same for you.

I don't know where you are in your life today, I don't know if you're in a period of great trust in God and his love, if you're struggling to hold tightly to his love because of trials and difficulties, or if you've never really experienced the power of His love. My prayer and my hope is that WHEREVER you are, you would see God's love and power in your life in a real and tangible way. A way that is personal to YOU and that allows you to KNOW that a loving God knows you and cares about YOU. He knows every bit of who you are and he loves you.  And through that, I pray that today you would be able to trust a little more.

When I set my sights on the love of the one who sacrificed their life for me, everything about my life begins to change. And that's what God wants to do for you as well, if you will only trust in His Love. Wherever you are right now call out to Him, He will answer you and he will begin to reveal His love to you in a life changing way. I promise, He loves you. Let him show you that. 

{Before You Judge Me For My Tattoos And Rebellion}

I told my co-workers today that I want to dye part of my hair blue. And that I want to get more tattoos.  As the words came out of my mouth, I jokingly laughed and told them I didn't even know who I was anymore.

For several months I've been telling a hand full of people in my life  that I'm going through a rebellious phase. I can almost pin point for you when this "phase" started, although I can't exactly say why. At first I thought it was because I wasn't content with where God had me in life. Then I thought it might be because of a certain person in my life. Do you know what I've realized though- I think this "rebel" side of me is exactly who God intended me to be all along. You can tell me that God never intended for me to have blue hair or tattoos and we can debate that later. What I'm trying to say is that God created me to be who HE wants me to be, and not who everyone else wants me to be.

Several months ago I had a conversation with my mom about getting more tattoos. She told me that she felt like my tattoos were a bit of rebellion. But what she said next was this- "The funny part about your "rebellious" phase is that you think your Dad and I will be disappointed with you. And that's simply not the case." I don't think she meant it to be some profound, thought provoking comment but it stuck with me and I found so much truth in that comment. Simply put- I was worried about what other people might think about me. I was worried about what my family would think, what my friends and co-workers would think, what the parents of my youth girls would think.

I've always been a people pleaser. I  hate when people are upset or disappointed with me and for a lot of years, some of the decisions I've made have been based on the fact that I don't want to disappoint anyone around me. I could tell you that my parents put these expectations on me that I always felt like I had to live up to, but that would be a lie. Yes they had hopes and expectations for my life but never once have I felt like they were disappointed with me or loved me any less, if those things didn't happen. I just hate disappointing people. That's part of who I am.

But what I've learned (or been reminded of) in the last few months is this- I am NEVER going to be able to make everyone happy. There will always be people in my life who disapprove of how I'm living MY life. There will always be people that I disappoint. There will always be expectations that I don't meet. And that's OK. I'm human. What's not ok is to try to be someone different just to please everyone else.

I've been blessed with the opportunity to do a lot of work with high school and middle school girls at church over the last two years and one of the most important things I can teach the girls is to be confident in who they are. Society has plenty of different things to say about who they should be but what I want them to know is who God says they are. If nothing else, I want them to be able to stand up and confidently say "this is who I am." I want them to be able to live a life that reflects the will of God in everything that they do. To teach them that, I have to know that about myself.

I don't want to wake up in ten years and say, I wish I would have done x,y, and z with my life but I didn't because I was afraid of disappointing someone. Please hear me out- there is only one person that I should measure my actions and my life against and that's God. If the things I'm doing line up with the truth of His word, His teaching, and His will for my life, other people's opinion of me or the things I'm doing shouldn't matter.  If the things I'm doing are contradictory to the truth of His word and teaching should someone hold me accountable- ABSOLUTELY.

There are always going to be times when I look for approval from people around me and where I struggle with being confident in who I am. Heck, I was considering writing a post just last week about what my selfies on social media really say about me. I was prepared to tell you that sometimes I post pictures just in hopes that a certain person(s) will like them. I think there are always going to be times where we seek approval from others but that is not how I want to live my life on  daily basis. 

But I can sit here today and tell you this- I am 26 years old and I am confident in who I am and who God created me to be. I have a job that I love. I own a home. I have a dog that I talk to like she's a human. I've worked really hard for the things that I have and I am happy with where God has me. I am single and have almost no single friends. I have four tattoos, I want to dye part of my hair blue, and I absolutely love this "rebel" phase of my life.  And for the first time in a long time, I can tell you that I don't need the approval of everyone else to be happy with where I am.

What I've realized is that my tattoos, my desire for blue hair, and my "responsibly rebellious" side make me who I am. Whether you approve of them or not, those things don’t change how much I love God or how much he loves me. They don't change my love of my job, or my ability to be a good physical therapist. They don't negate the fact that I love people and that I want to have a positive influence in the lives of those around me. They make me exactly who I'm supposed to be. 

I want to live knowing that I'm right WHERE God wants me to be and I want to live knowing that I'm exactly WHO he wants me to be. And I want that for you too. Life is tough enough as it is without the added pressure of living up to other's expectations. Lets all live confidently in who God created us to be. Each of us in our own unique way- tattoos and blue hair included. 

What We Must Remember On Memorial Day.

Today is Memorial Day. For many it's the end of a three day weekend, it's an extra day off from work, it’s a chance to go to the lake (or not considering all the rain), it’s a time to spend with friends and family, to drink and party. But the day was never meant to just be an extra day off from work or a day to symbolize the start of Summer vacation. It's a day to remember the ultimate sacrifice given by American Soldiers for the freedoms we have today. Ironically, that same freedom they fought so hard for, allows each of us to enjoy the day off from work, partying and drinking if we so choose, sometimes, shamefully forgetting the sacrifices made.

I've said it before, but I feel so incredibly blessed to come from a family with a rich military history. Because of this, I feel like I have a special place in my heart for veterans and their families. But if I'm honest, all too often, I take for granted the Freedoms that I have because of those Veterans and the soldiers killed during war. I always always always want Soldiers and Veterans to know how grateful I am for their service. I also want them to know that I'm thankful for the sacrifices of their friends and brothers who never made it back home. That's what this day is for. It's a day to remember those that gave the ultimate sacrifice for our country, those that never made it home to their families. And that's why I wanted to write this post, to remember those sacrifices.

I love history but I didn’t know the full history of Memorial Day when I had the thought to write this post. So I did some research and here are 12 facts you may not know about the holiday. Consider this your lesson for the day (http://www.va.gov/opa/speceven/memday/history.asp)

1. Three years after the civil war ended on May 5, 1868 Decoration Day was established by the Grand Army of the Republic.
2. Decoration day was established as a time to decorate the graves of Soldiers killed in the war.
3. The first large observance of Decoration Day was held on May 30th at Arlington National Cemetery.
4. The crowd in attendance that day was approximately the same as today:  ~ 5,000 people.
5. Small American flags were placed on the graves and the tradition continues across the country today.
6. On May 5 1866 citizens honored local veterans who had fought and were killed in the Civil War.
7. Today cities in the north and south continue to claim their towns as the birthplace of Memorial Day in 1866.
8. In 1966 President Johnson and Congress declared Waterloo, N.Y. as the birthplace of memorial day.
9. Memorial day was declared a national holiday in 1971
10. It was not until after World War I that the day became known as a day to honor those who died in all American wars.
11. In December of 2000, Congress also passed "The National Moment of Remembrance Act."
12. This law was passed to encourage Americans to pause wherever they are at 3pm on Memorial Day to observe a minute of silence to remember and honor those who died in service to our nation.

According to the Department of Veterans Affairs, 651,031 American soldiers were killed in America's wars from 1775-1991 in battle. Another 308,800 Soldiers died in theater during the same time frame. According to the department of defense, 6,835 American soldiers have been killed in the Global War on Terror from 2001- present.

(http://www.va.gov/opa/publications/factsheets/fs_americas_wars.pdf, http://www.defense.gov/news/casualty.pdf)

That’s 966,666 American Soldiers killed for our freedom. Those men and women never made it home to their families and friends. Let that sobering fact sink in for a minute.

There isn't much more I can say. 966,666 Americans have given their lives for your freedom and my freedom. Their families have sacrificed. Their friends have sacrificed. Their brothers have sacrificed. Unfortunately, that number will climb. There will be more families, more friends, more brothers who have to say goodbye to their loved ones as they too make the ultimate sacrifice for our freedom. And today we owe it to them to remember what this day is all about. 

Today, we must remember the sacrifices made by those 966,666 Americans.

Nothing we do, will bring back those lost. But you and I have the opportunity to honor them in a small way today, by seeing this day for what it is. May we always remember the freedoms we have because of them. May we always fight to protect those freedoms and may we take time today, if even just for a moment to set aside our partying and celebrating to remember those sacrifices.

I will leave you with this quote I read on the Veterans affair's website. Even if I tried, I couldn't say it better than this. I can't help but wonder what our country would be like, if we actually took to heart the weight of these words. 

As Maj. Gen. John A. Logan declared May 30th Decoration Day in 1868, he stated- "We should guard their graves with sacred vigilance. ... Let pleasant paths invite the coming and going of reverent visitors and fond mourners. Let no neglect, no ravages of time, testify to the present or to the coming generations that we have forgotten as a people the cost of a free and undivided republic.”

When God Restores What We Can Only See As Broken.

A dear sweet friend of mine turned 26 earlier this week and as I was thinking about how thankful I am for her friendship, I was reminded of a time when I didn't think we would ever be friends again. And in that moment, I was reminded of God's awesome restoring power.

I met Emily my second year at OBU through my roommate Hannah. What I distinctly remember about meeting her for the first time,  was her walking into my dorm room where we were watching A Knight's Tale and blurting out "He's dead," in reference to Heath Ledger. She didn't say "Hi, nice to meet you," or anything like that but the friendship was obviously meant to be because I found the comment hilarious. Maybe it's our awkwardness in social situations that forged the friendship, but whatever it was, we quickly became really good friends and it was hard to remember a time when I didn't know her. We all have friends like that, or at least I hope we do.

Over the next couple of years, Emily and I became really close friends and looking back I see how intentional God was in placing her in my life. I struggled a lot with friendships my senior year of High school, really feeling like I didn't fit in or belong with any one. When I went to college, God gave me some of the best friends of my life, friends that I can still call today and we can pick up where we left off even if we haven't talked in months. Emily was one of those people.

She became a spiritual accountability partner and really challenged me to grow in my faith. In December of 2009, we went on a mission trip with a group from our church to NYC and our friendship was strengthened even more. There's something to be said about the bonds of friendship when two  20-year-olds from Texas and Oklahoma  walk through Brooklyn at night together in the middle of a blizzard. I don't think I've ever been colder than I was at that moment, and looking back I was probably slightly scared to be walking through Brooklyn at night.  But we made it safely and I hope that we touched lives the rest of the mission trip.

Anyways, like I said after the mission trip Emily and I were closer friends than we had ever been. I was getting ready to finish my last semester of undergrad at OBU when things changed quickly and drastically with our friendship.

Because the details aren't important, I'm going to leave most of them out. What's important to this story is that essentially Emily and I went from being best friends one day to not even talking to each other the next. In the moment, it's easy to point fingers and say it's the other person's fault but looking back I take so much responsibility for how I handled the situation and the role I played in essentially ending our friendship.

I was so angry at Emily and at God and I honestly didn't understand how either of us could just walk away from such a strong friendship. But we did. And it was hard. There were lots of tears, lots of anger, lots of asking "Why? Why? Why?" and there really weren't a lot of answers.

I graduated in May of 2010 with plans to go to OU for grad school and my roommate Hannah and I planned to move to Norman. It seemed to both of us that we probably wouldn't be friends with Emily again and that she'd just be "that friend we had in college."

I'm so glad that wasn't God's ultimate plan. Remember- this is a post about restoration. So everyone take a deep breath and let's get to the good part…

At some point during my first year in PT school, Emily contacted me about meeting to talk. You have to remember, this was someone who I had literally ended a friendship with in a matter of days and I remember being a little hesitant to meet at first. I remember her coming to my house and us talking about some things that had been going on and how some things had changed. I remember her leaving that night thinking, at least we don't hate each other any more. (I don't think we ever really hated each other, but it felt like that at times.)

After that night, there wasn't some magical thing that happened where we liked each other again or where we wanted to hang out all the time. After that night I honestly don't know if we talked again for a year or so.  But it seemed that we had gotten back to a place of mutual respect for one another.

My last year of PT school however, I had the random notion to invite her to a concert with me in Dallas. It was the first time we had talked in a while and I remember again being somewhat hesitant about spending the weekend in Texas after we had barely seen each other in 2 years.

But I can say with totally confidence that it was definitely God's plan to restore our friendship at that exact time. There's no other plausible explanation to the fact that we went from hardly talking in two years to going to a concert together in Dallas.

It was like we had been friends the entire time and that our "falling out" had never even happened.  The beautiful thing about God resorting our friendship the way he did was the fact that we never even had to talk about what had happened in the first place.

Obviously we both knew there were hurt feelings on both sides of the table. At some point, we both realized that we had each been wrong somewhere along the line but no one came back two years later pointing fingers and looking for someone to blame for the whole situations.

What I can see now that I couldn't see then was that it was vital for each of us to walk through that season without the friendship to become the people that God wanted us to be at that time in our lives. I think if you ask either of us we would tell you it was such a growing (and challenging) time for each of us, but so worth it in the end.

We had both changed so much in the years where we didn't talk but it seemed to me that our friendship was stronger than it had ever been before. Some of my favorite memories from my last year of PT school involve hanging out with Emily, just ask her about a certain New Years Eve at my apartment…actually, don't ask her about that NYE.

When I think back on those years, I see God's hand and his power over our friendship and both our lives. Restoring my friendship with Emily was something only God could do. I certainly am not a person to back down easily when I think I'm right, and I always want to be right. But when I started looking at everything that had happened between us, I could see how I had been wrong, and I could also see how none of that even mattered any more.

It didn't matter to either of us who had been right and who had been wrong. It didn't matter the hurtful words we had said or the things  we had done wrong, we had essentially forgotten all of it. And it wasn't through my strength that I could do that, but only through God our Father.  Sometimes I catch myself holding on to hurts and wrongs that I feel have been done to me. The amazing thing about restoration here was that none of that mattered to either of us. God had handled every hurt that we had and he had brought healing all at once.

Today, I can tell you how very thankful I am for Emily and her friendship. I'm so thankful that God restored the friendship, and I love seeing what God is doing in her life and how He is using her to impact his kingdom. I'm also so thankful for the blessing that came out of such a time of struggle in my life.

God has shown himself to be faithful through the ups and downs of my friendship with Emily and he has shown that he is working all things for our good and that He alone is making all things news.

I honestly never thought that Emily and I would be friends again. I also didn't think that we would even talk to each other again, but God did a work in both of our hearts and because of it, I think we both received the blessing of a restored friendship.

As I've said before, I don't think that anger and bitterness is ever honoring to God, especially between believers. If we as Christians can't get along with those that we call our brothers and sisters how on earth are we ever going to get along with the world?

Please don't get me wrong here, ultimately it was not Emily or I that restored our friendship. That was 100% God. But, we had to be open to allowing his work in our lives and we had to be willing to respond when he told us to. God did the ultimate work of restoration when he sent his son to die on a cross for a our sins. Adam and Eve made the decision in the garden that would ultimately allow sin into the world and sever the perfect relationship with the Father.

However, God in his sovereignty loved us enough to send the ultimate gift of restoration. He is calling each of us to a restored relationship with himself through his son. Before we can ever have true restoration with those around us, I believe we have to have restoration with the Father. If you don't know if you have that relationship with him today, please ask someone to talk to you about it. Restoration of my relationship with God is the only thing that allows me to have relationships with other people.  

I know that the difference in a restored relationship with the Father and relationships with those around us is that God offers perfect unconditional love to us. Relationships with people are broken, full of hurt, and marked by sin in our lives. The beautiful thing and the thing I hope you get out of this post is that God can restore even those broken relationships. If he can restore sinners to himself, he can restore any human relationship. I said it before, I honestly didn't think that Emily and I would ever be friends again. I had gotten to a place where I was happy for her and the things that God was doing in her life however, I knew I wouldn't be a part of it. And then when I least expected it, in a totally unexpected way, God did a work of restoration. It wasn't anything Emily and I had done but thankfully we both responded to his call for restoration at that time.

There are relationships that I know of that seem way past the point of restoration for a number of different reasons. And maybe those relationships will never experience restoration on this earth. But I fully believe that God can and wants to restore relationships. We have to be willing to allow him to change our hearts, our thoughts, our actions towards those people, being willing to allow restoration where he is working. Whatever broken relationship you’re facing today, I pray that you would begin to see the threads of God's work of restoration there. Healing may be slow and it may take time, it may not come all at once like it did with mine and Emily's relationship, but God is always working, even when we can't see it or feel it. Whether it's a broken marriage, a broken friendship, a broken family relationship, whatever it is God wants to restore it.

Whatever the situation you're facing today, I hope this brings you hope. I hope you're able to see that God can and will restore relationships, even we don't see any possible way for that to happen.  Ultimately he wants to start by restoring your relationship with him. If you allow him into your life to restore that relationship, I can promise you things are going to change in your life. Relationships are going to be changed and you're going to see God's power to do anything.