For several months
I've been telling a hand full of people in my life that I'm going through a rebellious phase. I
can almost pin point for you when this "phase" started, although I
can't exactly say why. At first I thought it was because I wasn't content with
where God had me in life. Then I thought it might be because of a certain
person in my life. Do you know what I've realized though- I think this
"rebel" side of me is exactly who God intended me to be all along.
You can tell me that God never intended for me to have blue hair or tattoos and
we can debate that later. What I'm trying to say is that God created me to be
who HE wants me to be, and not who everyone else wants me to be.
Several months ago I
had a conversation with my mom about getting more tattoos. She told me that she
felt like my tattoos were a bit of rebellion. But what she said next was this-
"The funny part about your "rebellious" phase is that you think
your Dad and I will be disappointed with you. And that's simply not the
case." I don't think she meant it to be some profound, thought provoking
comment but it stuck with me and I found so much truth in that comment. Simply
put- I was worried about what other people might think about me. I was worried
about what my family would think, what my friends and co-workers would think,
what the parents of my youth girls would think.
I've always been a
people pleaser. I hate when people are
upset or disappointed with me and for a lot of years, some of the decisions
I've made have been based on the fact that I don't want to disappoint anyone
around me. I could tell you that my parents put these expectations on me that I
always felt like I had to live up to, but that would be a lie. Yes they had
hopes and expectations for my life but never once have I felt like they were
disappointed with me or loved me any less, if those things didn't happen. I
just hate disappointing people. That's part of who I am.
But what I've
learned (or been reminded of) in the last few months is this- I am NEVER going
to be able to make everyone happy. There will always be people in my life who
disapprove of how I'm living MY life. There will always be people that I
disappoint. There will always be expectations that I don't meet. And that's OK.
I'm human. What's not ok is to try to be someone different just to please
everyone else.
I've been blessed
with the opportunity to do a lot of work with high school and middle school
girls at church over the last two years and one of the most important things I
can teach the girls is to be confident in who they are. Society has plenty of
different things to say about who they should be but what I want them to know
is who God says they are. If nothing else, I want them to be able to stand up
and confidently say "this is who I am." I want them to be able to
live a life that reflects the will of God in everything that they do. To teach
them that, I have to know that about myself.
I don't want to wake
up in ten years and say, I wish I would have done x,y, and z with my life but I
didn't because I was afraid of disappointing someone. Please hear me out- there
is only one person that I should measure my actions and my life against and
that's God. If the things I'm doing line up with the truth of His word, His
teaching, and His will for my life, other people's opinion of me or the things
I'm doing shouldn't matter. If the
things I'm doing are contradictory to the truth of His word and teaching should
someone hold me accountable- ABSOLUTELY.
There are always
going to be times when I look for approval from people around me and where I
struggle with being confident in who I am. Heck, I was considering writing a
post just last week about what my selfies on social media really say about me.
I was prepared to tell you that sometimes I post pictures just in hopes that a
certain person(s) will like them. I think there are always going to be times
where we seek approval from others but that is not how I want to live my life on daily basis.
But I can sit here
today and tell you this- I am 26 years old and I am confident in who I am and
who God created me to be. I have a job that I love. I own a home. I have a dog
that I talk to like she's a human. I've worked really hard for the things that
I have and I am happy with where God has me. I am single and have almost no
single friends. I have four tattoos, I want to dye part of my hair blue, and I
absolutely love this "rebel" phase of my life. And for the first time in a long time, I can
tell you that I don't need the approval of everyone else to be happy with where
I am.
What I've realized
is that my tattoos, my desire for blue hair, and my "responsibly
rebellious" side make me who I am. Whether you approve of them or not,
those things don’t change how much I love God or how much he loves me. They
don't change my love of my job, or my ability to be a good physical therapist.
They don't negate the fact that I love people and that I want to have a
positive influence in the lives of those around me. They make me exactly who
I'm supposed to be.
I want to live
knowing that I'm right WHERE God wants me to be and I want to live knowing that
I'm exactly WHO he wants me to be. And I want that for you too. Life is tough
enough as it is without the added pressure of living up to other's
expectations. Lets all live confidently in who God created us to be. Each of us
in our own unique way- tattoos and blue hair included.
