The storm is coming and plants need water.

I remember several years ago when I was in college, my roommate asked me what my favorite part of nature was. I think I said flowers. There's so many different kinds, each with an array of colors, blooms, smells, leaves, etc. God made each of them and He made them each unique. What my roommate said in regards to her favorite part of nature has always stuck with me and it's something that God's been showing me and reminding me over the last few weeks, she told me her favorite part of nature was the rain because it's  always an indicator of new life.

The more I've thought about it the last few weeks, the more I've realized just how true this is. Rain always always always brings new life. It doesn't matter  how bad the storm is, there is always new vegetation as a result of the rain. It may take some time to see that growth and that new life, but it's always there. Whether in a single blade of grass in a field or abundant growth of vegetation in a garden, there is always growth following the rain. The funny thing is, without rain, without water, the plants can't grow. 

I've been reminded of how true this is in our own lives. The certainty of trials and storms in life is real. The hope through those trials is that new life, new growth is always coming. I am so convinced that nothing comes to us without going through the Father first. He allows things to happen in our lives that at times, seem unfair, harsh, and "not good", but these things are NEVER out of His control.  Romans 8:28 says that "We know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose."

There have most certainly been times in my life where I was unable to see the good or the purpose in the trial or the situation. There have been times when I wanted nothing more than to know why. Why would a loving God allow things to happen? Why would a loving God allow things to work out the way that they do? Why would a loving God not give me this seemingly "good thing?" What I've learned is that while a very loving God allows things to happen, they are never out of His control and He is working ALL THINGS to His glory. My human mind often longs  to know the earthly why that it was never meant to know. It's in those times when faith and trust in God's plans is my only option that I begin to see the growth that He is doing. I begin to understand the necessity of the rain to bring growth even when it's not comfortable and even when it's not easy. 

 This morning in Sunday school, we discussed Hebrews 6:7-8 which says, "For ground that drinks the rain which often falls on it and brings forth vegetation useful to those for whose sake it is also tilled, receives a blessing from God; but if it yields thorns and thistles, it is worthless and close to being cursed, and it ends up being burned." Much like storms in nature, storms in life can leave a trail of hurt and destruction. And much like those storms in nature, we have a choice whether to rebuild in those places or move on. Whatever the circumstances of the storms in my life, I always have a choice. I have a choice whether to allow God to use those storms to grow my faith and trust in Him, to do His work, and produce new healthy vegetation in my life or I have a choice to allow the thorns and thistles of anger, hate, bitterness, and resentment to grow where love and trust once was planted. 

If we believe what God's word says in Romans 8:28 then we know that even in the midst of the trials, He is working. We know that even in the soaking rain, He is preparing the ground with nourishment and new life for the growth that He is planning. How often though do we allow the driving rain to blind us to the things that He is doing? I think all too often we allow the thorns and the thistles to grow simply because of a lack of faith in the Father's plan and an unawareness of His presence in those situations. Unfortunately what happens when I allow the thorns and the thistles to grow in my life after a storm, is that they begin to take over. Not just in the one area but in the whole. If they aren't stopped, if they aren't pruned, their roots begin to run deep and they begin to take over the life that was once there.

What I've realized is that when I make the choice to allow anger, resentment, and bitterness to grow after the rain, God often has to come in a prune those things out of my life. Because of my choice to allow things that aren't of God to grow  I often face the consequences that come from that pruning. Thankfully, God loves me enough that He's willing to prune those things from my life and if I choose to allow Him to work, those things do not have to overtake me.

When I think of the uprooting nature of storms, I often think of the Moore tornado in 2013 that left a very obvious path of destruction through the town. When I went through Moore a month after the tornado my mind could not fully grasp the power of a storm that could leave so much destruction in it's wake. For three years I had driven through that area almost every day on my way to class and it was completely different. The path of the tornado completely changed the landscape. Where houses once stood, there were empty concrete slabs. Where trees once grew, there were broken branches. Where there were jobs and infrastructure, there broken dreams and businesses gone all because of the storm.

I went through Moore again about a month ago and what I saw this time, was new life. Houses begin built, businesses reopening, people living their lives. You see, they too had a choice. They could have very easily allowed the storm to take all those things away from them. They could have allowed that path to remain as a scar on the town so that everyone passing through would see right where the storm ripped it apart. But what I saw was new life. I saw a choice to rebuild. While the rain was soaking and left destruction in it's wake, it did not choke out the new growth or the life that was there.

There are few things I am certain of in this life, but I am certain of this- there will always be storms. There will also always be new growth following the rain. The presence of a storm does not dictate my response to the rain any more than a trial should dictate my response to the Father. Ultimately I know that rain is rain and it only makes me more aware of my need for an umbrella. In the same way, I know that God is God and the storms of life only make me more aware of my need for Him and the growth that only he can cause following the rain.  No matter how soaking and how destructive the rain may seem, God can and will always use it for His good and for His glory. We each have a choice. We each choose our response to the growth following the storm. We choose whether to allow healthy vegetation and new life to grow or we choose to allow thorns and thistles to remain as a scar, symbolizing the path of destruction in our lives. The rain is coming, but let it be an indicator of the abundant life God has for you today. Choose life, even in the storm. 

I won't make a move.

I've been feeling especially uninspired on the blog lately, most likely over thinking every situation in my life in hopes that God would give me something...anything...for a post. But I got nothing. I feel like the last few weeks have been extremely emotional, tough, and draining on our community and on people personally close to me. The hurt and the pain is real and my human mind cannot fathom or make sense of the way things happen at times. For many of us, I think the NCTC tragedy put a lot of things into perspective, I know it did for me. (I've spent a little less time yelling over postseason baseball this week because it just doesn't really seem to matter as much.)

But through everything the last few weeks, God has remained faithful and His love has remained constant. So I've been searching, hoping, thinking, for anything to share on the blog. Any little bit of hope and of truth about God's love that I could somehow put in to words and share with those who are broken and hurting right now. And like I said, I got nothing.

Tonight I had a conversation about being still and waiting, about holding my position, and about taking care of the things I personally needed to take care of; Then I got in my car, plugged in my iPhone expecting for a specific playlist of music to start playing through the car speakers. Instead of the playlist, my phone picked a random song from my music library and for the 500th time in the last month God told me to be still, to wait on Him, to wait for His leading, and not to make a move without His direction.  Through my tears and the words of the song, I knew God was not only affirming a command He had already given me numerous times, but He was leading me to share this post tonight.

"I'll walk beside you as you lead me through still waters for my soul, I place my hope in all You are. And I know you'll guide me to places where there's beauty to behold, there's no other place I'd rather be. I've been down the other road where fear and doubt, they take control, and I won't go there anymore. And I won't make a move without you. I won't make a move without you right by my side. So I will wait for you to lead me to any place where you need, I won't make a move without you."

For months God has laid Exodus 14:14 on my heart over and over and over again. (I even read it in a novel earlier today) I have thought about that scripture and I have prayed that scripture over my life and over the lives of other people and I have clung to it, knowing that God was telling me to be still in numerous situations in my life. And then life happens and I get caught up in the moment, I get caught up in the hurt and the pain and the injustices going on around me and I want to run headstrong into battle, never even remembering God's command to stay still, to stand firm, and wait where I am. 

I think so often this is our response. Life happens, things don't go the way we have planned, people who we thought cared about us stab us in the back, parents split up, kids fail, people make mistakes, we miss out on a promotion at work, and the list goes on; Suddenly we think we have to fix everything in life and we never even stop to acknowledge the work that God is doing around us.

What I love about this passage in Exodus is that God was about to take what seemed like and impossible situation and He was getting ready to do something huge in the lives of the Israelites. He had just brought them out of Egypt, out of Pharaoh's hand, and out of slavery but immediately they begin to question His works. In the midst of their complaining and their crying out against God, Moses did not hesitate- "Do NOT be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today, you will never see again. The Lord will fight you; you need only to be still." God was getting ready to dump the entire Egyptian army into the sea so that His name would be glorified and so that the Israelites would see deliverance from His hand yet they were ready to run back up the hill towards the approaching army and surrender themselves as slaves. Part of me can't understand how they could be so stupid. Another part of me is embarrassed to admit my own unwillingness to wait on God, to be still, and to allow Him to work in and through my life.

Situation after situation in life has taught me that things don't always go my way. They don't always work out the way I want them to or when I want them to (hence not being married at age 25) but that does NOT negate the work of God in my life or the lives of those around me. To the Israelites, death or slavery seemed imminent but what they couldn't see was the hand of God working in their lives. All they had to do was wait and they were about to get a first hand encounter  of the power and work of almighty God in their lives, to preserve their lives.

I don’t know what's going on in your life. I don’t know what situations seem hopeless. I don't know where fear, and hurt, and pain has set in, but God does! Praise Jesus! He knows and He cares and He's working. His word  tells us that He will NOT abandon the works of His hands. He did not bring you to this situation to leave you there any more than He brought the Israelites to the desert to abandon them at the shores of the sea. He is working and He is fighting for you so that His name may be glorified and so that He can draw you to Him. I don't know what he's trying to teach you or reveal to you through all this, but I know what He's telling me in my life right now and that's to BE STILL. He's telling me to take a deep breath, to quiet my spirit, to focus my eyes on Him and to trust that even in the most hopeless of situations, He is hope, and NOTHING is out of His control.

Tonight, I am resting in the hope that comes from faith in my Savior. A faith that says "No matter what...I will go where you lead and I will not make a move until you tell me." I will trust in the work of the Father and I will rest in the fact that the battle is not mine. Maybe God is telling some of you tonight to be still. Maybe you're like me and you've gotten so caught up in the things going on around you that you have ignored the Holy Spirit's command in your life to be still. God has given me passions and desires, people and situations, dreams and causes, that I am ready to run into battle for but it has to be in His timing, and tonight  He is telling me to Be Still. The thing is, just because He's telling me to Be Still tonight does not mean that I've abandoned the battle or the passions that He's placed on my life. But right now, I have to be obedient and I have to Be Still. I have to trust that the King of Kings, Lord of Lords, creator of the Universe is a much much better warrior than I am. I have to trust that He is working even when I can't see it, even when the pain, hurt, brokenness, and sin seems to be running rampant in the situation, HE IS STILL WORKING.

He has not forgotten about you friends. He has not called you to stand still in the battle to allow it to over take you. No matter what you're going through tonight, He has not abandoned you in the middle of the desert. Maybe, just maybe, He's getting ready to part the seas in your life and lead you across dry ground. Don't give up. Don't listen to the lies of the evil one, and don't run back up the hill towards the chains of slavery in your life. BE STILL. And don't make a move until he tells you to. 

Psalm 84.

This has been a week of tragedy, hurt, and brokenness. Sunday some very close family friends and my school community lost a beautiful sweet spirit that touched a countless number of lives over her years of teaching and serving others.  Thursday Moore, OK was struck with another tragedy as an innocent life was lost in what some would classify as domestic terrorism. Friday night the NCTC softball team was involved in a tragic accident that took the lives of four more beautiful girls and today a school, family, friends, and a community are again in mourning.

It's in moments like these where we are reminded of the fragility of life and I often wonder how anyone faces the days, weeks, and months ahead without the hope of eternity that comes only from our Lord Jesus. Some will most certainly cry out at the unfairness of the weeks events and question how a loving God could allow terrible tragedies like this to occur. But please remember that when the hurt and pain, the tears and the suffering is overwhelming, the only hope we have is to cling to the unending love and eternal life provided through our precious Jesus.

Several weeks ago, God brought Psalm 84 to my mind as an idea for a blog post. I had a number of different things on my mind at that time and never sat down to write the post. This morning as I was thinking back over the week, God once again brought Psalm 84 to my mind.

1 How lovely are Your dwelling places O Lord of hosts! 2 My soul longed and even yearned for the courts of the Lord; My heart and my flesh sing for joy to the living God. 3 The bird also has found a house, and the swallow a nest for herself, where she may lay her young, even your altars, O Lord of hosts, My King and my God. 4 How blessed are  those who dwell in Your house! They are ever praising You. 5 How blessed is the man whose strength is in You, in whose heart  are the highways to Zion! 6 Passing through the valley of Baca they make it a spring, the early rain also covers it with blessings. 7 They go from strength to strength, Every one of them appears before God in Zion. 8 O Lord God of hosts, hear my prayer; Give ear, O God of Jacob! 9 Behold our shield, O God, and look upon the face of Your anointed. 10 For a day in Your courts is better than a thousand outside. I would rather  stand at the threshold of the house of my God than dwell in the tents of the wickedness. 11 for the Lord God is a sun and shield; The Lord gives grace and glory; No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly. 12 O Lord of hosts, how blessed is the man who trusts in You!

I love these verses for so many reasons. This particular Psalm was written as a pilgrims psalm for the people describing their longing and the journey to the temple in Jerusalem. Today, I think it speaks to us and our eternal longing to be in the courts of the Lord most high.  In these difficult times, I'm drawn to the hope and reassurance of these verses.  For the pilgrims going to Jerusalem, they knew the destination of their journey. They knew that they were journeying to the Lord's house, the holy temple where the Lord's spirit was dwelling. Verse 5 speaks of our strength that is found in the Lord, it speaks of our hearts that are set on the journey to Zion just like those pilgrims. What a beautiful picture for believers. As followers of Christ, we know the destination of our journey. We know that it is an eternity in the presence of the Lord and we have strength to fix our eyes on him during this journey of life.

In verse 6, the author speaks of the valley of Baca. In biblical times, the valley of Baca was known as the valley of weeping. As this week has shown, life will most certainly bring times of weeping and sadness, that just like the pilgrims traveling to the temple, we must often walk through. Times when the circumstances of life seem overwhelming. But please don't miss what the author says. By the beautiful grace of God, the pilgrims are simply passing through the valley of Baca on their journey. Praise Jesus, we are only passing through the valley of weeping. I'll be honest and say that there have been times in my life that I have chosen to stay in the valley of weeping longer than I would like to admit. Times when I lost sight of my destination and the one who laid out the path before me; maybe you're there right now, but sweet friends please know that you do not have to stay there forever. Remember your destination. Remember that you are going to the presence of The Lord. Today make that decision to keep moving. Keep putting one foot in front of the other and journeying to your Lord. At times the valley will seem deep and wide but it cannot last forever; be reassured by the hope and the promise that the valley is only part of the journey and the destination. 

Don't miss the second part of verse 6 either. The author speaks of the springs and the early rain that cover the ground with blessing, even in the valley of Baca. Know that there have been others before you that have walked through the valley of weeping. Their path to and through the valley may be different from the one you are currently taking but look for the springs of life, provision, and water that God has already left for you in the valley. I'm certain that God uses trials in others lives to bring comfort, wisdom, and guidance in our own times of need. I pray that right now whatever hurt and brokenness is heavy in your life, that God would put people in your path that have already walked through the valley and are ready to minister to you as you walk through this season now.

The author continues on into verse 7 speaking of the strength and provision that God has for the pilgrim on the journey. "They go from strength to strength, every one of them appears before God in Zion." What a beautiful picture, God is lavish in his blessings, he is lavish in his provision and we have assurance that the valley is not the final destination on the journey. Every one of the pilgrims appears before God in Zion. Continue on sweet friends, the destination is set, as a believer in Christ, you are promised eternity with him. No trial, no struggle, no valley of weeping is too great to rob you of that destination.

Remember that you have a God that hears your prayers. Remember that a day in his courts is better than a 1,000 elsewhere. Remember that The Lord is a sun and shield, He is a light and a protector, He gives grace and glory and He does not withhold any good thing from those who walk with him.

As I think back on the biggest trials and struggles of my life, I am so thankful for the strength and provision that God has always provided. I'm thankful for the people that he placed in my life all along the journey to mentor to and support me during those difficult times. I'm thankful for friends and family that have often walked through the valley of weeping with me. As I said in my last post, I've learned that sometimes the fruit grows in the valley. It is in those times, that we are most aware of the savior's provision, those times when he takes the things that we see as broken and beyond repair and He often does the most beautiful work.

As a follower of Christ you know the destination of your journey. You know that they valley does not go on forever but that it is a part of the journey to the presence of the Savior. I pray that these verses bring healing to the wounds of hurt, brokenness, and sadness today. I pray that while you may be in the valley today, that The Lord God would pour down his spirit and his blessing, his strength, and his springs of life over you in the valley. I pray that you would look to the right and to the left and you would see brother and sisters, pilgrims on the journey walking alongside you through the valley and as you continue on your journey to Zion.

And if you do not know and have a personal relationship with Jesus today, my prayer, my hope, my desire, is that you could come to know the love and hope that is only available through relationship with him. I pray that today God would put someone in your life to show you the love of God. That you would know without a doubt that there is a God that loves you so much that He sent his one and only son to earth to die for your sins and my sins. I pray that you would know that he sent his son to die so that you can spend eternity with him. Please know that if you were the only person on earth, he would have still sent his son to die for you. He loves you that much. And today, in the midst of whatever valley you are walking in, whatever trials, brokenness, hurt, and sadness you are facing, please know that there is a God that is pursing you and wants you to keep moving, keep putting one foot in front of the other, keep moving through the valley of Baca, and run to him. He is waiting with open arms to welcome you into His family, to give you His strength, His love, and His comfort for the days, weeks, and months ahead.

Wherever you are on the journey, whether you're in the valley of Baca today, whether you're walking out of the valley, or you're just starting the journey, please remember that we have a God that loves you and cares about your hurts. Remember that he loves you so much he sent his only son so that you can spend eternity with him. Remember that even on the darkest of days, he is your strength and your provision. He is a sun and a shield. He gives grace and glory, and He is walking through the journey with you. Lift up your eyes and see that even in the valley He is there. He has not forgotten you and He has not abandoned you. Moment by moment, look to him and He will give you the strength you need to put one foot in front of the other to keep walking out of the valley. Remember your destination.

A Letter.

This post is another one of those posts that's extremely close to my heart. This is a post, that I honestly never thought that I would share with anyone. It's a letter that I wrote on April 21,2013 the day after my 24th birthday and at the end of a week packed full of highs and lows. It wasn't written to any specific person but is more of a reflection on the things that God had done in my life that week. I've shared it  only one time before, when I shared my testimony at the start of my youth girls Sunday night bible study. It's typically one of those things that stays tucked in a nightstand drawer only to be thought of every once in a while.

But here we are. Over the last several weeks, God has laid the letter on my heart and began gently leading me to share it here. So in keeping with my desire to be completely open and honest with each of you, I'm sharing it. The original letter has been edited slightly out of necessity but I can honestly say, the heart of the letter is the same as it was the day I wrote it back in 2013. I pray that in some way it blesses your heart.

April 21, 2013

"This became one of those weeks that changes you. Changes you for good. After it you can't go back to the way you were before because everything is different. I knew I had to write it all down because it's one of those times I never want to forget how God moved.

I have to start by going back to The Women of Joy (WOJ) conference in 2011. It was the first one of these conferences I had been at and it was a great experience. Sunday morning before the final speaker began, a woman come on to the stage and began talking about her son, who had recently been injured trying to break up a bar fight while he was off duty. He remained in the hospital in critical condition and was paralyzed from the neck down. What I remember about that day was collecting on offering for the man and his family, and praying for him and his recovery. Over the next several months/years,  I heard more and more about the man's recovery and had the opportunity to listen to him speak. In the fall of my last year of PT school, I had the opportunity to meet and get to know the man for a short period of time.  He was slowly beginning to walk again, down the hall, up a flight of stairs, (something they said they'd never do!) and I had the opportunity to watch this happen.  One Saturday morning, I was driving and saw the man's billboard about "Great comebacks." I had passed that billboard every day on the way to school but this particular day I was reminded of the awesome situation that only God could have orchestrated in my life. He had planned for me to hear about the man at a woman's conference and pray for him. He had then planned for me to actually get to know him and see his recovery a few years later. Never in a million years could I think of something so cool. That was something only God could do. As I thought about it, I decided that situation was my favorite reminder of God leading me to  a career in physical therapy, why he put me in this job and gave me this mission field of helping people on a daily basis.

Little did I know that Saturday morning how the week  coming would change my life in a matter of 24 hrs. On Sunday April 14, the man was involved in a car accident where he suffered multiple injuries. He suffered severe head trauma and passed away on Monday April 15th. In that moment after I learned the news of his passing, I experienced such anger and feelings of unfairness. While I only knew him for a very short time , my heart was so broken. How could God let that happen? How could he make this amazing comeback only to die this way? So Suddenly? How could that poor family experience such another tragedy? How could God let this happen?

A few hours after his death, I learned of bombings at the Boston marathon. I watched as the events unfolded in what appeared to be another terrorist attack on U.S. soil. I was so emotionally exhausted and discouraged by the days events, I thought I couldn't possibly take one more thing.

On Wednesday April 17th, while tornadoes swept through the state of OK, a plant explosion in West, TX destroyed a community, left numerous people dead, more wounded, and homes destroyed. And then in the midst of the night, my brother called to tell me that He and his girlfriend were having a baby. In that moment, I felt like my world crumbled and fell apart. As I sat on my bathroom floor while tornado sirens were going off outside, I was in what I felt to be the biggest emotional storm of my life. In my own brokenness, I again got angry with God at what appeared to be the unfairness of life.

And then as God so often does, he began to show me His power and His control in every situation of my life. You see, my horrible week was about to end in a birthday (that I was no longer excited about) and another WOJ conference. And that's where God began working. You see, I soon learned the theme for the weekend, Absolute surrender. Definitely not a coincidence. I know now that it was definitely God's hand. The first speaker told her own story about getting pregnant before she was married. And in my own pain and hurt, I thought, real cool God, but I still don't think any of this is fair.

Speaker after speaker spoke on God's sovereignty and his presence in EVERY situation of our lives, past, present, and future. They spoke to the fact that every situation in our life is Father filtered before it even comes to us. That knowing "why" doesn't make the pain any less. That sometimes we feel like the situations of life are more than we can handle because it points us back to the only one who can handle it, God himself.

In the midst of the day Saturday, I broke down as I knew the funeral for the man was happening across town. As I broke down to my mom and a friend about how unfair it was, my mom reminded me of 2 very important things- 1) The man was experiencing a new body. One that doesn't require a wheelchair. One that walks/runs and doesn't have a spinal cord injury or a brain injury because he had experienced ultimate healing. 2) God had brought the whole situation full circle for me. From praying for the man at WOJ in 2011, to mourning and praying for his family at WOJ in 2013 as they said goodbye across town. You see, in that moment I was reminded that God was there  just like he had always been. He had been there that day in 2011, he was there that day in 2013, and every day in between. He was still God. He was still on His throne, He was still working, and He hadn't forgotten about me.

And then as God so often does, He continued to prove himself again in one of those ways that only He can. When we got to WOJ Saturday morning, we immediately argued about which seats were better and where we should sit. We finally settled into the seats I had helped pick and little did I know how important those seats would be later in the day. Before the final speaker started, they began drawing names for door prizes. A lady named Sharon Salinas from Valley View, TX won. You see, Valley View is where my mom grew up and about 20 mins from my hometown. Sharon Salinas just happened to be the mom of my brother's girlfriend who we had just found out a few days earlier was having a baby with my brother. And in typical God fashion, she was sitting 3 rows in front of us.

As she got up to go collect her prize, my mom met her at the top of the stairs. These two women had never met but they were already bound together by a new life. We cried, we hugged, we laughed, and cried some more. And we prayed. We prayed for ourselves, our families, that sweet baby, my brother, and my future sister-in-law. And we took a picture together. A picture that we can show the baby someday and say, "Look what God did."

These two story lines in my life had nothing to do with each other until they collided in one of the toughest weeks of my life. But what I know now is that God used one to influence and soften the other. When my brother called , I was already hurting. I was already broken over the man's death, questioning God about how unfair His plans seemed. And in my pain that Monday night, God gave me two verses that I would again need that Wednesday night: Rev 21:4 and Isaiah 14:24.

" And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away." -Rev 21:4

"The Lord of hosts hath sworn, saying, Surely as I have thought, so shall it come to pass; and as I have purposed, so shall it stand." - Isaiah 14:24

I began to experience that overwhelming peace in my heart to heal the hurt of both these situations. That peace that says, "My beautiful daughter, I know that in your human mind this seems unfair. I know It breaks your heart. Your heart that I made. Your heart that I hold in My hands. But I have you. I have been to each of these moments. I was there before the foundations of the world and I have this. I know its unfair but surrender all to Me and you will see My will in it. You will see that never once were either of these situations out of My control. In the valley, your faith truly grows. It means nothing on the mountain top. It's here with Me in the darkest valley that I want to grow you. But remember daughter, it is not dark to me. I am The Light and darkness cannot stand in My presence. It only appears dark to you by My purpose. I didn't design it so that you would be hurt or discouraged but I designed it that you might know My power. That you might see the Light and life only I can bring to every situation. You only need to trust, reach out, and take My healing hand. When it seems that only darkness surrounds you, know that I have gone through the pain and suffering and I am. I am the light in the darkness and I am offering fullness in My peace. This is the peace that no situation or person can take from you."

I know that the situation with the man is now over. It will be one that stays with me forever and changes who I am. I'll remember what I learned from it, who he was, and what I learned from him. But I also know that it led the way to the phone call from my brother. The story doesn't end here. I don't know what the next chapter will look like but I know God's going to keep teaching and I just want to keep learning. I know I wont walk the path alone because we serve a God who provides His grace for every step of the way. "

My prayer for each of you is that you would know The Light of life and that you would allow Him to shine over the darkness in your life right now. Whatever you're going through remember that He is there and that nothing about the situation is out of His control. He is not surprised by the happenings of your life but rather He is patiently waiting for you to take His hand, to trust His leading, and to allow Him to light the path. One thing I didn't mention in the letter was that Jeremy Camp performed at the conference back in 2013. That was another one of those God things. If you know anything about Jeremy's story you know that his first wife died of cancer shortly after they were married. She was 21. In the midst of her own sickness, Melissa Camp told Jeremy that if one person came to know Christ from hearing her story, it would be worth it. Shortly after Melissa's death Jeremy wrote the song I Still Believe at his parents home. I can only imagine the lives that God has used this song to change.  For me, the song holds so much more meaning after hearing it at the conference back in 2013 when I thought my world was falling apart. I hope that maybe now, it can bring healing to the darkest areas of your life.   

Never too far gone.

Have you ever had one of those moments when you said something and immediately thought "Oh man, I shouldn't have said that." I had one of those exact moments earlier this week but thankfully, God took that moment and completely turned it around in a way that blessed my heart in an unexpected way.

I was talking to a gentleman the other day who had told me that he was originally from Iowa. I immediately asked him why he had moved from Iowa to Texas and the answer I got wasn't what I was expecting at all. Over the next several minutes, the man began to tell me about his life as a drug dealer and going to prison for his crimes. He began sharing how seemingly hitting rock bottom in life, losing his kids, his wife, and everything important to him, changed him. How it made him realize that the life he was living wasn't the life he wanted any longer and that he had to make a change.  He talked about coming from a good home with a good family, about playing college football, and how bad decisions led to prison. He talked about going through seven different vocational trainings in prison to prepare him for a new life afterwards. He told me that after getting out of prison  he knew he had to change his environment and the people that associated with if he ever wanted a fair shot at changing his life and that he decided to make the move to Texas. He talked about how much he actually loved working hard at his job and making an honest living for himself now.

Here was a man who didn't even know me, yet he was willing to open up and share his whole life story just because of my simple question regarding a move from Iowa to Texas. And what I saw was a man who was really sorry about the choices he had made in his life. A man who lost everything society tells us is important and decided to make a change for the better. A man that was willing to tell a stranger about the poor choices he had made so that he could then talk about his changed life now. As I left that conversation, I was so blown away. I had stuck my foot in my mouth by asking the question yet God chose to use that to show the beauty of His love and His grace. What I realized was this simple fact- No one is too far gone for God's grace. And that is something to celebrate.

It doesn't matter where we have been, it doesn't matter what we have done, God's grace is still there for the taking. The beautiful thing about God's sacrifice is that while we were STILL sinners Christ died for us.  (Rom 5:8) God knew the choices I would make and he knew the choices you would make. He knew that time and time again I would fall short of the life that he intended for me. He knew that even after choosing to follow Him, there would be times that I would give in to my nature and sin against Him. He knew but He still chose to send His Son to die on a cross for my sins. 

What a beautiful gift grace is. A beautiful gift that is never out of reach. No matter the choices we have made in the past or the choices we will make in the future, we are never too far gone for the reach of God's forgiveness. I was reminded of that by a complete stranger sharing his story of a life changed this week. And I want to offer that reminder now. No one is every too far gone.

As I was thinking over my thoughts on this topic, I watched this video blog by Jeremy Camp and I felt that it fit perfectly. Just watch it Here before you keep reading. (For some reason I can't get it to upload today)

So often we get caught up in the things going on in our own lives and we forget to look up and look around. We forget the compassion that God has for his people, even the people what haven't responded to Him yet. We get so caught up in the things we're doing and we forget that no one is too far gone. God wants EVERYONE to come to Him. He wants to rescue people out of lives in the pit of sin and darkness and bring them into the full abundant life that He has for them. So often I look at people's lives and I subconsciously write them off. Thank God he didn't do that to me. He still pursued and He still sent His son to die for me. Every day that He gives me on this earth, He gives me the opportunity to see His people and share the love and grace that He has to offer them. 

Ultimately we each make our own decision to follow Christ or not. I cannot make that decision for anyone else, but I can keep sharing and keep loving. I can look up and look around me. I can have compassion on God's creation and remember that no one is too far gone from His grace or His reach. If there is someone in your life today that seems too far gone, don't give up on them. Remember that despite the poor choices we make, the hurting, and the brokenness,  God can reach down and change the heart of each of us. He can change the heart of a drug dealer, a terrorist, or a selfish person like me. Look up, look around, see the people He's put before you, and remember that no one is too far gone.  

Choices.

Every day I have a choice. I have a choice to follow the path that God has for me or I have a choice not to. Sometimes he's calling me to go, sometimes he's calling me to stay. Sometimes the decision is big, sometimes the decision is small. Sometimes the decision is scary, sometimes it's not. No matter what, I have a decision to obey or not. No one can make the decision for me as much as they may want to. The truth of the matter is that it's my decision and no one else's.

What I've learned more and more over the last year however is that every decision has a consequence. Good or bad, big or little, every single decision we make has a consequences that in most cases affects more people than just ourselves. I think so often when making decisions we think that our choices only affect us. If I choose to do A then B will happen. I don't think about C and D happening to the people around me as a result of my decision. If we admit it, I think we can all agree that by human nature we're all very selfish people and we often make decisions that only look out for number one. We often give very little thought to how our choices can affect those around us. I know that I'm so guilty of that.

What God has been revealing to me recently however is that when I choose not to follow the path that he has put before, I become a stumbling block for those around me. If he says go and I decide to stay I put myself somewhere I don't need to be, and I become a stumbling block. If he says be quiet and I choose to speak, I say something I shouldn't, and I become a stumbling block. If he says give and I choose not to, I use my resources to build up myself, and I become  a stumbling block. Whatever it is, big or small, if I make a decision not to follow the command that he has given me, often my decision becomes a hindrance to those around me.

Maybe you're thinking to yourself, that the "thing" in your life that your choosing to disobey God on right now only affects you, that there's no possible way that decision could have an impact on any one else. I used to think like that too. But life and circumstances recently have taught me otherwise.

Each day, I want me life to be a reflection of Christ. My thoughts, my words, my actions, everything. I want everything that I do to be an example of my faith in the Savior. I want the decisions I make to be out of my complete trust in the Father and his plans. That is not easy. I'll be the first to admit that. Recently, it's been financial decisions and its been a constant battle within me whether I'm going to trust God 100% with my finances or whether I'm just going to trust him a little. (By the way- just trusting a little and trying to do the rest on my own is a decision NOT to trust. I'm working on it.)

But here's what I've realized- I can't tell people around me to trust God no matter what, to have faith that he has a plan for them and that he will walk the path along side them, if I'm not willing to live that example out in my own life.  If I can't make a decision of faith to follow wherever he leads, I can't ask anyone else to. Because what happens if I tell you "Just trust God and make that life changing decision he's calling you to. I'm just going to stay over here and not go where he's leading me," you're going to think I'm a hypocrite. I'm going to become a stumbling block because I'm certainly not being a picture of faith in that situation.

I know that sometimes God calls us to paths and plans that weren't necessarily our first choice. I know that in my own life, I wouldn't necessarily have chosen singleness at 25 but I'm learning each day to trust that and to walk in that path. I'm learning to choose joy in that situation and I'm learning that God really does know better. I also know that when I make the choice to grumble and complain about this season of life (like I did for a really long time), I'm not making a decision of faith to follow wherever he leads. I'm also removing any witness I had  to those around me in regards to choosing to follow Christ no matter what.

Yesterday in bible study we talked about Jesus' prayer in the garden hours before his death. We talked about the fact that in that moment, he continued to praise God and reflect on God's greatness and on God's plan. Earlier in  John 12:27-28 Jesus says, "Now My soul had become troubled; and what shall I say, Father, save me from this hour? But for this purpose I came to this hour. Father glorify your name." Then a voice came out of heaven: "I have both glorified it, and will glorify it again."

Jesus gave us a beautiful example in those last few hours of his life of following God wherever he leads, even if it's to death. He gave us an example and hope that in the darkest of situations, we can still choose to follow God. We can still choose faith. We can still choose to glorify the name of the Father. If Jesus can choose to walk the path that he knew would lead to his death, I can choose to walk the path before me.  I would argue that Jesus' choice to follow the Father's plan may have been the most important choice in the history of the world. Had He chosen in that moment, to go His own may, to skip the beatings, the mockings, and the crucifixion, all of mankind would be doomed to eternal separation from the Father. Talk about a stumbling block in someone's path to God. But Jesus made the choice of Faith. He certainly didn't have to. At any moment, he could have chosen to take himself down from the cross, yet he kept himself there so that we could spend eternity with Him.

Now I don't think God has called any of us to death on a cross but as believers he has called us to a life of Faith no matter what. A life that boldly goes where he leads when he leads. A life that glorifies him in the choices and the decisions that we make. He may not be calling you death on a cross, but whatever he's calling you to can have an impact on someone else's salvation. If I choose today to disobey God, to focus my sights on the things of this world, and to remove myself from the plans that he has for me because they're too hard or too uncomfortable or too scary, I'm choosing to make myself a stumbling block that could potentially impact someone else's view of the Father. 

When I was in high school someone said to me, "Do you care more about your own comfort or the eternity of those around you?" Prior to that question being asked, I was choosing to disobey God. I was choosing not to participate in something that he was obviously calling me to because it was uncomfortable. But when that question was asked, I realized that my decision to sit back in my seat was affecting those around me. The cross certainly wasn't a comfortable path for Jesus but he chose to take it anyways so that through faith I could spend eternity with him because he knew that was God's purpose in bringing him to that hour.

I don't know what choice God is calling you to today. Maybe he's telling you to give more than you think you can give. Maybe he's telling you to say something you don't think you can say. Maybe he's telling you that you need to go somewhere you don't think you can go. Maybe he's telling you to give up that job you love and focus on something else. I don't know what decision he's asking you to make. That's between you and him. But please remember, whether you decide to walk the path he's leading you down, you decide to disobey, or you decide to ignore the still small voice telling you to take the path, you are making a choice. Your decisions will have an impact on those around you whether you realize it or not. Your choice will either point someone to the Savior or your choice will be a stumbling block in someone's path to the Savior.

I don't know about you, but at the end of my life, I don't want to have to stand before the Father and recount the times that I placed myself in someone else's path to Him because of my own selfishness, my own comfort, and my own security. Because every day I have a choice just like Jesus did. 

10 years and an 8 minute mile later.

I realized recently that it's been ten years since I was 15, ten years since I was a sophomore in high school. It doesn't seem to me like sophomore year of high school normally holds that much significance; you're done with freshman year and no longer the new kids any more but you aren't a junior yet which normally means no prom and you aren't quite ready to think about college and life after graduation. It's just another year. But for me, my sophomore year was more than just another year. If you ask my parents, they might tell you they didn't really like who I was that year. (They will also tell you that about my 6th grade year, just ask my mom) In 6th grade I think my bad attitude had more to do with puberty, my friends, and trying to figure out who I was. My sophomore year had a lot more to do with my world seemingly revolving around a boy and an 8 minute mile. Looking back now, depending on the day, it’s a year I may or may not want to repeat if I had to do it all over again. It's a year that changed me in more ways than one but it's also a year that 25-year-old me can see God used to shape me into who I am today.

At my high school, to play volleyball each player had to run an 8 minute mile to start the season and play. If you know me, you know I hate running. I always hated running but I think that after my sophomore year, those feelings grew substantially. Long story short, after playing a few games on JV at the end of my freshman year, I made varsity my sophomore year. I had worked hard during two-a-days and I was so excited for the opportunity to play on varsity. The issue was that I hadn't made my 8 minute mile yet. Day after day I would run that mile before school and day after day I'd miss my time. Eventually I lost my spot on varsity and got moved down to JV. To say I was disappointed at that time is an understatement. There is no way for me to adequately write how I felt during that time. It was a very low time, I felt like a failure and considered quitting volleyball for the first time in my life. There were a lot of days I wanted to quit and a lot of days I begged my parents to let me quit but in all their parental wisdom, that wasn't an option. So each day I kept running that mile, kept missing my time, kept going to class defeated and broken, kept going to practice knowing I wasn't going to get to play in the game. And each morning, I'd get up and try it one more time. 

I think my parents knew that at that point, it wasn't even about the 8 minute mile anymore. It was about a mountain in my life that loomed in front of me and seemed impossible to climb. I wanted to turn around and walk the other way, decide that it wasn't worth the effort any more. I think they knew that up to this point, things came pretty easy to me. I hadn't really faced a challenge in life that tested my resolve, that pushed me to my breaking point, that forced me to decide what was really worth fighting for. I think they knew that in life there would be more mountains, and if I didn't climb this one, I might not climb the next one either.

Eventually I made the mile. I remember telling my Mom, I'm sure she cried, because that's what she does. Happy tears of course. I had concurred my mountain. And my life went on as a sophomore in high school. I played volleyball every other year in high school and I can promise you it didn't take me that long to make my mile again!

Looking back now, I realize so many ways that God used that time in my life to shape me into who I am today. One thing I learned then that I didn't fully appreciate the depth of until now is this- God placed the exact people in my life that I needed at that time.  What I didn't tell you yet is that my Dad and my brother were running with me every morning. My teammates were running with me every morning. Encouraging me each step of the way, pushing me harder than I thought I could go (sometimes physically pushing me) until I reached the ultimate goal.  My mom was praying for me daily, sitting in her car across from the track as I ran to climb that dumb mountain. I don't think I'll every know the number of people she had praying for me during that time, but oh how thankful I am for each of them. Their prayers were strength and encouragement I needed to keep going. I found a card the other day from my mom's group of friends, "The Fire Ants"  that they gave me when I finally made the mile. What a treasured possession that card still is to me today. To some people, it's just another card but to me it is a visual reminder of God's provision in my life during that time, placing the people in my life that I needed at that exact moment.

That's one of the things I've learned since that time. No matter the time or place, God places specific people in our lives for specific purposes. Sometimes those people  are physically walking through the valley, physically climbing the mountain with us, pushing us on towards the prize. Sometimes those people aren't physically walking the journey with us, but they are there interceding to the Father on our behalf. Look around today and see those people in your life. Thank God for each of them because He's put them there for a reason.  Know this sweet friends, he didn't design you to go through this life alone, he created you for relationship. Relationship with Him and relationship with others. You don't have to walk through this season alone.

For a long time, I questioned God's plan and his purpose in regards to that time in my life. I didn't understand how the "good plan" would mean that I lost my spot on varsity and went through such a trying time.  Isaiah 55:8 says "My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts, says the Lord. And my ways are far beyond anything you can imagine."  That is truth. His ways are so far beyond anything I can imagine. And because of that, I have learned (and continue to learn) to trust. Ten years later, I can see a purpose for that time in my life. I can see that it was vital that I learned the perseverance, the drive to never give up on myself, and the will to keep fighting  for the goal during that time in my life. Those lessons would be vital my senior year to staying true to who I was and the faith I had no matter the cost. Those lessons would be vital during a time in 2010 when I wasn't sure if I'd get into PT school and wanted to give up on that whole plan. Those lessons would be vital two months into PT school when my best friend in the program decided a career in physical therapy wasn't for him and I felt like I was alone, overwhelmed, and wanting to quit that plan again. Those lessons would be vital more times than I can even count during that three year period of my life that we call physical therapy school. But here I am. I made it. I concurred that mountain and can say that I've been a physical therapy for over a year now. Thank God for those lessons. And thank God my parents didn't let me quit when I wanted to.

I think it would have been a lot easier for them to let me quit when I wanted to. It sure would have saved them a lot of time and energy over the next few years carting me to practices and spending endless hours sitting on hard bleachers watching games. But I can say today, 10 years later, I am so thankful they didn't let me quit when I wanted to. As I've been thinking over this post the last few days, that’s the message I want to get across to each of you. Don't quit. I know the mountain before you seems daunting but what I've learned about this life is this, there will always be mountains to climb over, there will always be valleys to climb out of. That is one guarantee I can give you. But don't give up. God didn't put you there in that situation to leave you there. He is using it for your good and to bring glory to His name. Yes, the easy path may be to give into the situation, turn around, quit and go back the way you came, but sometimes, that perseverance he's creating in you today is preparing you for the work that he's going to do through you tomorrow. Don't miss out on that.

Hear this- You are not defined by the mountains before you or behind you. It took me some time to realize that I was not defined by that 8 minute mile or by my spot on the JV or varsity team.  I see now that those things are fleeting and when I'm 90, no one will care  how many times it took me to run an 8 minute mile. What will matter is the times that I stayed the course and hopefully pointed to my Savior each step of the way. It is not my strength that causes me to persevere through the trials of this life but His strength in me. Maybe there are mountains in your past that you were unable to climb, trials, struggles, difficulties that you did not overcome, please know that they do not define the future that God has for you. Even now he is using those things to work in your life, to work His plan for good, and to bring glory to His name. Let that be the healing balm that your soul needs. Let that be the hope that you need today to face the mountains before you.

Ten years later, I can confidently say to you, that I see a purpose for all those miles I ran. I can see a purpose in my parents not letting me quit. I can see that overcoming that mountain in my life as a sophomore was vital to overcoming mountains in my life in college and even now. Phillip Yancey says this, "I have learned that Faith means trusting in advance what will only make sense in reverse." I get that now. I didn't a few years ago. But can I also say this, sometimes there will be situations that never make sense in this life. The reason, the purpose, the plan, it is not always for us to know in this lifetime. And that's ok. Sometimes, the vastness of God's plan is too much for our human minds to comprehend.  There are still things about that year of my life as a 15-year-old girl that don't make any more sense to me now as a 25-year-old girl than they did then. But I have learned, and at times have to daily remind myself that I believe in the plan and path, I believe in a Savior and a Father who's ways are not my ways, who's thoughts are not my thoughts, and I will trust him. I will trust that he is working from an eternal perspective that my human mind cannot grasp. And I will know that in all things God is working for the good of those who love him and who have been called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28)

I am not discounting the questions that you have today, I completely understanding them. I understand the longing that our human minds and hearts have to know the why. But I am telling you that in this earthly life, the why may not be for you to know. Do not give up. Do not lose heart. Do not stop trusting in the Savior who loves you, a sinner, enough to send His son to die on the cross for your sins. Because if I'm honest, that kind of love will never make sense to my human mind. But I trust it and I believe in it and because of it I keep moving forward climbing the mountain before me, running the miles of life, pressing on towards the goal of eternity with the Savior.

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through out Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character, and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. -Romans 5:1-5