There Are Certain People In My Life And I Don't Understand Why.

Let me start by saying- I have seriously been slacking on the blog since the beginning of the year. I don't really have a good answer as to why but I can say the past few weeks/months have been weird for me. There's not any particular reason that stands out in my mind except that I've kind of felt these past few weeks  that I've been trying to figure out who I am. Weird I know. I'm almost 26 and 95% of the time I feel very confident in who I am as a person and what I want out of life. I've jokingly told my family recently I'm going through a "25-year-old" rebellion. Some of you are probably thinking that's true considering the three new tattoos in the past 6ish weeks. I honestly don't know what it is, but it's caught me off guard and it's caused me to slack off in some areas of life, the blog being one of those areas. Or it could just be the fact that I've started a side business making chalkboards that's kept me so distracted but whatever it is, I want to be more focused on this blog. I want to continue to be open and honest, sharing my heart and the work God is doing in my life as he leads.

I made a couple of goals this year (I'm not calling them resolutions), one was to be intentional with everyone I came into contact with, one was to do my hair for work more often. I'll be honest. I've been a lot more successful with the latter.  I'm trying with the first goal, but let me tell you...It's only March and I've failed far more times than I'd like to count. As I discussed with someone earlier tonight, God created us to be relational people. He did not create us to go through this life without anyone else, if that was his plan He would never have created Eve for Adam.

There are so many different people in my life right now. Whether it's friends, church, family, or work, there are numerous people in and out of my life on a daily basis. I work in a job where I come into contact with numerous people daily. Depending on the setting, I can spend a few days, or a few months getting to know my patients through their therapy. Whether it's at work or somewhere else, my goal is the same- to be intentional and to take every opportunity God gives me with someone in my life.

I feel so strongly that every person we come into contact with is in our lives for a specific reason set by God. What I've found is that sometimes, I really struggle with understanding why God puts THOSE people in my life. That was one of the reasons I made it a goal to live more intentionally in my relationships with people this year. Because I truly believe God puts them in our lives for a reason. Maybe it's for a short period of time, maybe it's for a lifetime. Sometimes, God also brings unexpected people back into our lives years down the road for a new reason. Obviously it varies depending on the person and purpose God has. 

Let me tell you- sometimes I'm very thankful for the people God puts in my life. Sometimes I'm not. I sincerely hope that I'm not alone in this. I know I'm not the only one who's seriously questioned why God would put a certain someone in my life. Right?  I think it's natural for us to always want to know the reason why. You would think at 25 I'd understand that there are a lot of things where I'll never know the answer behind the "why." But today, right now, it's something that I still struggle with.  And more recently, it's been a struggle understanding why certain people are in my life at certain seasons of life and other people aren't.

I can look back on my life and think of three very specific people that I know God put in my life for a very specific reason at a very specific time. And I can tell you that out of those three, I know the reason (or as much of the reason as I can understand) for ONE of those people being in my life.  I've cried out to God more times with the other two than I can ever count, trying to understand the why, and He is yet to reveal that to me.

What I'm learning through this is that it's ok not to know the why. God has taught me recently that sometimes, my striving, my attempt at working things out only gets in the way. And sometimes that’s why I don't need to know the why. You see, I am a type A personality person all the way. I like to plan things out. I like to know exactly what the problem is so I can come up with a solution to fix it, even if it's someone else's problem. And I like to be in charge. Guess what, God reminds me pretty frequently that my striving to fix things on my own only causes more problems.

Sometimes my only option is to accept that fact that God has placed these people in my life at a certain time and that there's nothing I can do but give that relationship to him, trusting his working. In the moments recently where my heart has cried out for understanding God has so graciously shown me that sometimes he wants nothing more from me than intercession for the people in my life. Sometimes there's nothing I can physically do or say to fix the problem or the situation but I can ALWAYS go to throne of God lifting that person up to him.

I know that's the first thing I should do. But it isn't always my first thought. But God has so sweetly taught me recently what an amazing blessing and opportunity it is to lift someone up in prayer to the God of the universe. The only one that can change the situation and the very one who put the person in my path in the first place.  As I think about the most recent of those three people in my life, I see how much God has used that person to teach me this lesson. There have been things in that person's life that I can do absolutely nothing about. Yet God in all his infinite wisdom has burdened my heart for this person and has woken me up about eight times in the middle of the night at 3 am sharp with a pressing need to lift this person up in prayer. I know that may sound weird, it's even weird for me to say it. But it's true.

The first few times it happened, I really didn't think any thing about it. But as it continued to happen again and again, distinctly at the same time every night, I began to realize just how much God was teaching me to trust His plan for this person. He began to change my heart for the person and He began to show me what a gift it is to be able to intercede for the people he's placed in my life.

As the weeks went on recently I began to experience some guilt, thinking that I had missed an opportunity to live out and to be an example of Christ to this person. Did I miss out on opportunities with that person, most likely yes. It's hard to admit that but in that guilt, God brought those 3 am wake-ups back and reminded me that He continues to work even when I fail. Praise God, His work does not stop because of my lack of faithfulness. What I've also realized recently is this- as much as I care about the people God brings into my life, as much as I want to fix their problems or help in certain ways, God cares about them so much more. They are His creation and the love that He has for them, like the love He has for me, is something I'll never truly be able to comprehend.

I don't know the people that God has in your life today. I don't know if they are the stranger that you pass at the grocery store to never see again, if they are a family member, or if they are a dear friend. I don't know if you're thankful for them in your life, or if you are crying out to God wondering why on earth that person continues to be in your life. What I do know is this- there is no one in your life today that God does not intend to be there. I don’t know why and you might not ever know that either. But please remember that there is a God that is working all things together for good. He may ask you to step up and physically help that person in the situation they are currently in. He may ask you to give a gentle smile and "Hello" that completely changes a life. He may also ask you to daily bring that person to His throne in pray at 3 am for the next two weeks.

Whatever it is that he's asking you to do, understand and know that He did not create you to go through this life alone and that he wants you to be intentional with the people that he puts before you. That is not always easy but I'm learning that no matter how long or short someone's time is in my life, there is always a reason, even when I don’t understand it and I will trust (hopefully a little more each day) that God is working and that He will be glorified through my interactions with His people.