Broken Dishes and God's Provision

A little over a year ago, my sister-in-law and I went on a shopping trip for new dishes. My brother was on a ride-a-long for the police academy, my parents were at a Sunday school social, and Kacie and I decided to shop Dillard's huge clearance sale. Kacie and Thomas had just gotten married and I was in the process of buying a new house so this sale was the perfect time to buy new dishes for our respective houses.

To make a long story short, on the way home we were involved in a 6 vehicle accident with a drunk driver. My car was totaled after being rear ended by a semi truck. When I think back on the moment just prior to and following the accident, everything still seems so surreal. From the moment I knew we were going to be in the accident until the moment I got out of my own car, everything seemed to move in slow motion and warp speed at the same time if that makes any sense. The short story is that my car was totaled but Kacie and I were ok. While we were both sore for several weeks, neither of us sustained serious injuries. Kacie was pregnant at the time and after a check at the hospital the doctor's confirmed the baby was ok as well.

Once the dust and adrenaline began to settle around the accident, I remembered my dishes. My new beautiful red and turquoise dishes in the crumpled trunk of my car that were surely smashed to a billion pieces. The funny thing is, when my Dad went to retrieve the contents of my car the next day we were shocked to find that with the exception of a few bowls and a plate, the majority of the dishes were ok. A totaled car with a crumpled up trunk and busted out window and two sets of dishes almost completely intact. That's because the car did it's job. That metal frame is designed to protect its content. It's designed to take the force of the impact and distribute it in such a way that everything inside remains safe.

Over this last year, I've felt like those fragile dishes more than a few times. I've felt like the impact and weight of life's situations might be to much. I've questioned God on his plans for my life and I've failed to trust him more than one time. I've said "No way God! This is too much. I don't want to walk this path, I don't want to serve here, I don't want to be stretched like this." And time and time again he's shown his provision. He's shown that HIS grace is sufficient. That yes, apart from him I can't do it on my own. Apart from him, I break and shatter like those dishes when dropped or hit against the counter. But, when I draw close to him, when I press into that relationship with him, I'm covered by his provision and his protection.

Now, I know that a relationship with God does NOT equal an easy problem free life. I would actually argue that a Christian may face more persecution and trials while following after the Savior. But the beautiful thing about that is this- If I have a personal relationship with the Father, this world is NOT my home. This is not all there is. This is not where my hope lies. My hope lies in that moment when I will spend all eternity with the Savior. And when that is my focus, all the problems of this life seem a little less burdensome. I know that doesn't make them easy. I know that there will still be times when I feel like that dish in the crumpled up trunk. When the impact of my decisions and the decisions of those around me will almost seem to be too much to bear. But, when I'm able to press in close to the Father, I don’t have to take that impact. He is there providing his grace, provision, and protection just like that metal car did during the accident.

Even though it's been a year since the accident, I still have to laugh about those dishes. The chances that any of them survived after being hit by a semi truck is still crazy to me. But sometimes that's how our God works. He takes a situation that we see as hopeless and lost, and he makes it new. He heals and he restores. He clothes and he protects. Every day I put my trust in a piece of metal to protect me as I drive down the road. I don't even have to think about that. I get in the car, turn it on, put it in reverse, and back out of my driveway trusting that the car is going to protect me on my drive to work. No second thoughts. No doubts on the job and function of that car. Why on earth do I question and not trust the one that sent his son to die for my sins so that I can spend eternity with him? Why do I think that I somehow know better than the creator of the universe. Why do I think I can trust him with this part of my life but not this part. Why don't I trust him to do the things he's already said he will do? Why? Why? Why?

I want to wake up every day and trust whole heartedly. I want to be those dishes in the trunk, knowing that no matter what struggle or trial comes my way, no matter the force of the impact, there is one who is greater than all those things! There is one who has provided his strength, his protection, his grace, and his provision. If I can just press in close and raise my eyes a little higher toward eternity, I can be those dishes. I can rest in the safety of his arms. I can get hit and not break.

Luke 12:27- Consider how the wild flowers grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these

Matthew 6:31-32 Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all.

Luke 12:24 “Consider the ravens: they neither sow nor reap, they have neither storehouse nor barn, and yet God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds!”

Questions from the heart #1

For some time I had this idea of putting a panel of girls in their 20's and in college together to answer questions that our youth girls had. Questions that maybe they were too embarrassed to ask or questions that were to personal to their hearts to share out loud. When we decided to do a back-to-school sleepover for the girls Friday night, I knew this was the perfect place to do the panel! I had the opportunity to be on the panel with 5 amazing women, all of which had different backgrounds and stories but one common thread in their love for The Lord.

I will NEVER be able to thank Kim, Hayley, Sara, Kristen, and Kacie enough for their truth and honesty to those questions that we had the opportunity to answer. These girls laid their hearts on the line and were willing to be open and vulnerable with the girls all so that God might be glorified and the girls might grow in their own faith. To each one of you I say Thank you!! I don't think any of us realized what we were getting ourselves into.

When the girls arrived, we had each one take a piece of paper and write their questions down for us to answer. Completely anonymous, hopefully completely open and honest. In all my 25-year-old wisdom, I thought "There is no way these 6th-12th grade girls are going to ask "deep" meaningful questions for us to answer." So in case the questions didn’t address the burning topics we wanted them to, we stacked the box with questions that would ensure some heartfelt conversations. Boy was I wrong! I can't even begin to tell you the truth and honesty written on those lines. What I saw was hurts, fears, and breaking hearts in that box of questions.

Because of the depth of questions and limited time, we were unable to cover all the questions that the girls had. As I read the remainder of the questions Saturday afternoon, I knew that we couldn't leave them unanswered. I've been playing around with the idea of a blog for some time and these questions were the push I finally needed to do it. Not so that I can answer all the questions of the world, but so that hopefully I can use my own trials, struggles, and insecurities as an example to others and perhaps God can use his work in my life to bless others.  I certainly can't tackle this on my own. (I think when you see the depth of questions, that will make sense.)

My idea is to answer 10 of the remaining questions here on the blog with the help of "guest bloggers" and panel members. While these questions were written by 6th-12th graders, I think they are questions that are relevant to each of us, no matter what our age. My prayer is that as you read these questions and our responses, that your heart will be blessed. That wounds that you have may be healed by the Father and that through our trials and struggles, you will see the love that God has for YOU!

So here we go… Question #1

Why do we make friends and get so close just for the friendship not to last?

When I was in high school, I had a number of different groups of friends. Sports friends, Church friends, this group of friends, that group of friends, and so on. Each of those groups was different in their own way, and they didn't necessarily all like each other, but I tried to be friends with everyone. There were friends during that time of my life that meant everything to me. Girls that I did everything with and talked about everything with. Girls that knew more about who I was, than my parents did at that time. Girls that no matter how many times we fought over the same boy Monday through Thursday, we'd still spend the night with each other on Friday. When I think back on those friendships, there isn't a single one that's the same today as it was then.

While I don’t see a lot of those girls nowadays, I can guarantee that we aren't who we were then. We grow and we change. Good or bad, sometimes the circumstances of life change or end those friendships.  I think so many times in high school we try to be the person that everyone else wants us to be just so we can fit in or just so we can have friends. At some point in life, we discover who we truly are for the first time and unfortunately, those friendships don't always fit with the "new" you. That's not a bad thing. It just means sometimes the friendships change.

I know for me sometimes, its hard to imagine having people in my life today as such close friends and not having them in that same position tomorrow, but sometimes that's the reality of life. That doesn't mean that we should shy away from getting close to anyone just for fear of them not being a part of our lives someday. God created us to be relational. He created us to have relationship with him and he also created us to have relationship with other people. We see it from the creation of Eve in Genesis all the way through the bible. Even Jesus had a group of 12 that he spent time with and poured into. And remember, he knew that one of those 12 would betray him and that one would deny even knowing him, yet he still felt they were worthy of his time and effort.

I don't think God wants us to go through life with the fear of getting close to anyone just because they may not be there a few years down the road. Sometimes, they aren't meant to be there a few years down the road. Sometimes, they choose not to be there a few years down the road. That doesn't change the value of that friendship during that time in our lives. When I think about that group of girls in high school and how we've all changed, I wish those girls nothing but the best and I so enjoy seeing what's going on in each of their lives, even if I'm not a part of it. We each have our own paths now and for the most part, those paths don't cross on a regular basis, but even if I knew then what I know now, I wouldn't change the time I had with each of those girls in my life.

Yes, there were rocky times. Yes, there were times when we fought, we didn't get along, and we didn't necessarily like each other. There were times when I chose my path and they chose theirs. But we made it work and we helped each other through that time in our lives. We had our problems and issues, but I can't imagine going through that chapter of my life without anyone else. The truth is, I wasn't meant to. God put each of those girls in my life at that season. He has chosen to put other people in my life a this season. Just because those same high school friends aren't in my life now doesn't mean that they weren't in my life for a reason and that those friendships mean any less to me than others now.

So I'll say this- thank God for the friendships that you have now and the people in your life now. Trust him in the fact that there is a reason each of those people are in your life. Maybe they need you more than you need them. Don't miss out on an opportunity to be a blessing to someone just because they might not be there down the road. Trust God that he knows what he is doing and that he will give you the grace and peace to accept whatever is to come at the exact time you need it. Remember he didn't create you to go through this life alone. Don't let your fear of friendships ending cause you to miss out on the blessing of those friendships today.

We are free.

Galatians 5:1- It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.

Several months ago on my Pandora station I came across this song- I am set Free by All Sons and Daughters.  I immediately fell in love with the truth of this song. "You are the hand that reaches out to save. I am set free. It is for freedom that I am set free."

I started thinking, am I living in the freedom that God has offered to those who trust in him or am I living a life still bound by the chains of my sins and failures. The chains of my hurts, my past relationships, my broken dreams and promises, or my future wants? The truth is that Christ's death on the cross broke every single one of those chains. When he conquered death, he also conquered sin. He didn't come and die so that we might still live in bondage to the sins and struggles of life. John 10:10 tells us that he has come that we may have LIFE and have it to the fullest. That we might be set free.

Sometimes I think that I hold onto these things for fear of change or if I'm honest, because of a lack of trust in the Savior.  I'm afraid of the things in life that will be different, the people that may or may not remain in my life, the things that I may or may not be required to do, the hopes and dreams that I may be required to give up. Instead of letting go of my fears/anxieties/doubts related to these things, I hold onto to those chains and I choose to miss out on the full life that God has for me. I chose to live as a slave to these things instead of in the freedom that comes from a relationship with God. If I truly trust his plans and purposes for my life, then why do I choose to continue living outside his freedom?

He didn't set me free to continue living with my hands and feet bound by chains. He set me free for freedom. Freedom to be who he called me to be. Freedom to go where he leads. Freedom to serve where he plants. Freedom to love like he loves. If I can't grasp the idea of Freedom in Christ how can I ever effectively share that freedom with non believers. Why would they even want what I have if they continue to see me living in the chains of a life  bound by my sin and shame?

I can just imagine the joyous sound of chains falling. The sound of people opening up their hands and letting go. Letting go of the fears, anxieties, and doubts to live in the freedom that God has offered. To let go of the chains that God has already broken to live in the free full life that he has provided.

Brothers, sisters, we are free. The chains are already broken. They are ready to fall if we can only let go and trust the one who broke those chains. "We are free to love like God has loved. We are free to give like He gave. Oh we are free from sin, we are free to begin to forgive as He forgave. We are free. We are free."

The sheep don't lead the shepherd.

Psalm 100:3 Know that the Lord himself is God; It is He who has made us, and not we ourselves; We are His people and the sheep of His pasture.

After reading this particular verse, I began thinking of this idea of sheep and their dependence on the shepherd. Sheep. They travel in flocks. The rarely act independently and will often follower wherever the leader takes them even if its off a cliff. Without the shepherd the sheep are lost. The sheep are dependent on the shepherd for feeding, brining them to good pasture lands and water, grooming and clipping, delivering new lambs, leading them and teaching them to stay together, retrieving the ones that wander off, and protecting the sheep in the field and in the fold, night and day from both wild animals and thieves.

Numerous times throughout scripture we are referred to as sheep, Christ the Good Shepherd. This isn't a new idea. So I began thinking, how dependent am I on the Shepherd? How often do I trust the shepherd for food, shelter, relationships, direction when I'm lost, and protection from attacks? Unfortunately, I'm afraid I've bought into the lies that society and culture tell me- that I don't need a shepherd or that I can lead the shepherd. That I can do it all on my own. That I know what's best for me.  That if I look out for number one I can get whatever I want. That if I buy into it all I'll have everything I could ever want and always be happy. Well I don't know about you but life doesn't seem to work out that way.

When did we decide that we know better than the shepherd. At what point did we decide that despite making a commitment to submit our entire lives to Him and His will, we still get to decide where we're going to go and what the path looks like. That somehow we know better than the shepherd. That somehow despite his commands to daily take up our crosses we get to dictate where we carry those crosses.

I'm afraid that we have decided that despite his leading, we'll make our own way. We'll go the path we see fit even if it means leaving the sheep fold in the dark of night. Because lets be honest, how many of us are sneaking away from the sheep fold in bright daylight where everyone can see what we're doing.  And that’s where I end up in trouble. In those times when I think I've got it all figured out, I've got the plan and I'm going to make it happen no matter the costs, I typically screw things up more than I ever thought possible. I get myself so turned around and twisted up I throw my hands in the air, sit down, and cry.

And then, I look up and I see the Shepherd. I see that despite the 99 sheep still in the fold, he's come in search of the 1. The one dumb sheep that screwed up so royally that she doesn't even know which way is up. But that's the thing about the shepherd, he knows the sheep of his pasture. He knows when they are awake and when they are asleep. He knows when they have needs and when they have plenty. He knows when they are hurt and defeated. He knows when they're so lost in the struggles of life they don't know left from right and when the situation seems impossible. He knows and he cares. And that's why he doesn't leave the 1 to find its own way home.

Precious friends, he loves that 1 sheep so much that he's willing to leave the 99 to bring the one home. He loves you that much. That even if you were the only one on earth he would still have sent his son to die on the cross for your sins so that you could spend eternity with him. He loves you enough to provided for your every need. He loves you enough to fight off bears and lions and to lead you to greener pastures. He loves you enough to make sure that even when you wander, even when you mess up, even when you fail him, you know that he still loves you and you're still worth saving.

So lets stop telling the shepherd where to lead. Lets stop trying to be our own shepherd with our own plans and let the one who made us do the leading. Lets trust that the shepherd loves us enough that he was willing to lay down his life for us so that we can spend eternity with him. If he was willing to do that, its pretty obvious he's got big plans for the sheep of his pasture.

Stand up. Fight on.

We are in a battle. A battle for our hearts, for our lives, for our dreams, for our futures. The enemy wants nothing more than to cripple us. To leave us in our tracks. To leave us broken, wounded, and ineffective for the kingdom. But I say stand up. Fight on.

When I look at my life as a 25-year-old single, some things have gone according to plan. Other things have not. If you would have asked me when I graduated from high school, what I would be doing when I was 25 I would have told you I'd probably be married with kids and working as a PT. I've got that last part down (and I'm loving that!) but the first part, not so much.

But as I'm learning, life doesn't always go according to plan. In the last year since graduation, God has brought me back home to Texas to a job that I love, a home that I own close to my family, a sweet puppy that I love, and much to my surprise, he brought me back to the church I grew up in. Now don't get me wrong, I love my church. I just didn't think that when I graduated from college that's where I would end up. But here I am. And in the last year, I've been given the opportunity to plug in and work with an amazing group of middle school and high school girls.

Over the last several months, we have studied and discussed topics real to girls and women alike. Acceptance. Appearance. Failure/shame. Discontentment. Isolation. Conflict. Gossip. Broken Promises. The list could go on forever. But  I'm convinced that whether your 13 or 80 the enemy's game plan is the same. To attack a woman at her heart. To attack the places and spaces in her life where it hurts the most and to leave her ineffective for the kingdom.

So often recently I've caught myself missing out on opportunities because of my discontentment with singleness. But what I've realized is this, Satan wants nothing more than to leave me broken, lonely, discontent, and angry with this season of my life. He wants to miss opportunities to minister and to bring glory to God's kingdom. For so long I've looked at my singleness as a burden. But what I've missed is the blessing. The opportunities that are ONLY available right now being single. But Satan will not win. I will fight on.

Lets be honest, this world we live in is a scary place and getting scarier by the minute. Tonight my heart is heavy and burdened for sweet innocent babies who are being beheaded  simply because they or their families are Christians. Sweet brothers and sisters who seem like a world away are standing up to fight on, in the name of Jesus. Oh how selfish I am. My struggles and burdens at times seem suffocating. But the truth is, no one has every put a gun to my head demanding that I renounce my faith. No one's ever threatened to behead me or my family because we follow Christ. But somehow I lose my battle far more often than I'd like to admit. I let Satan win. I let him cripple me and leave me ineffective. But I owe it to these sweet brothers and sisters to stand up and fight on. To focus my eyes on Jesus, the places and spaces that he has me today, and to fight on. If they can stand up and fight on in the midst of battle on a mountain top in Iraq, I can stand up and fight on in my comfortable American life.

Over the last several weeks I've been thinking about my girls (yes, "my" girls) as they prepare to go back to school in a few weeks. I've been thinking about their hearts, their dreams, their futures and the attacks the enemy will most certainly throw their way this year. And my prayer is that they will stand up and fight on. That they will know the love and acceptance of a Savior who loves them enough to send his son to die on the cross for them. That they will known that their worth lies more in who God says they are than who the world or some guy or some popular group of girls says they are. That God's plans for them rest more heavily on the advancement of his kingdom than the grades they make or the athlete they are. That they are not defined by broken families or broken promises. That they can stand up and fight on.

I want my youth girls, my friends, the ladies in my church, the ladies that I see at work, the women in my family, the girl on the street to know that you can stand up and fight on. The best part is this...we don't have to do it alone. God doesn't send us into battle alone. I'm reminded of God's preparation of David, a lowly shepherd boy in his youth would take down the Giant that an army of trained men feared. And God prepared David to face the giant by using every day circumstances and challenges in his life.

Sweet ladies, girls, sisters in Christ, be encouraged. We can stand up and fight on. You don't have to do it alone. Whatever your battle is that your facing today God is preparing you. Maybe he's using the circumstances in your daily life right now to prepare you to take down the Giant. Imagine what our world would look like if we all stood up and fought on. If our middle school and high school girls stood up and fought on. If they fought to protect their hearts, their dreams, their futures, and their friends. If they grasped tightly to the promises of the Father and ran wholeheartedly into the battles for their schools and for their worlds. If singles fought the battles of loneliness and discontentment and ran wholeheartedly towards the opportunities God has for them right now. If moms fought the battles of fears, anxieties, broken dreams and broken promises, and ran wholeheartedly into battle for their children, their husbands, and the futures of their families.

Sweet sisters will you stand up. Will you fight on? Will you trust that the King of Kings and Lord of Lords has a plan that is so much bigger than we can even imagine. A plan to walk into battle with you every single day so that his name may be glorified. That whether your battle is in your home, your school, or on a mountain side in Iraq, he is with you. He is ready to take your hand, lift your from your knees, from those broken spaces and places in your life and he is ready to fight for you. Will you stand? Will you fight on? Will you look to the left and to the right and see sisters standing and fighting with you?

We are in a battle. Will you stand up and fight on?