Dear Mean Girl.

Over the last year, I've spent more and more time with middle school and high school girls through various ministry activities. With these girls, I've experienced highs and lows, times of hurt and times of happiness. What I've realized is that through it all, there's always drama. There's always that girl who's being a basement friend and stirring the post.

It doesn't matter the age, there's always at least one mean girl. Whether we're being the one attacked or we're the one attacking, there's always one. I'm 25 and I still deal with times where people choose to manipulate situations in my life and use things against me that they know will cause hurt. For the most at this time in my life, I can take it but lately I've been more convicted about the way I respond to the attack than anything else. I can't challenge my youth girls to respond with Christ love if I'm not willing to do that myself.

I know that no one is innocent but when I feel like my youth girls or those closest to me are being attacked, I often go on the offensive. God's changing my heart to respond in love instead of anger, to see the person instead of the action, to realize that maybe it's less about me than it is that girl. So tonight if I could say one thing to those mean girls it would be this...

Dear Mean Girl ,

I just want you to know that we see you. We see that for whatever reason you've decided to take your anger and hurt out on us. We see that and we want you to know that we forgive you. I think if we're all honest, we'd admit that we've all been in your shoes at some point in life. Whether it was out of pride or jealousy, at some point we've all chosen to put another girl down, to attack when she was already wounded and for that I'd like to say I'm sorry.

Your words and actions have made us question ourselves and our worth. We've questioned if the rumors and hurtful words are true, even if we know they aren't. We've questioned whether everyone else feels the same way you do and if we have any true friends that we can turn to. I wonder, do you ask those same questions about yourself? Do you wonder who you can trust? Do you wonder what's being said about you when you walk out of the room? If we've made you feel that way I'd like to say I'm sorry.

I'll be honest, our first reaction to your attacks and hurtful words is often to respond in anger. I know that we've all responded in that way once or twice and maybe the drama and the war that often ensues in "girl world" is as much our fault as it is yours. Your attacks often cause us to circle the wagons and pull our friends in, even if that means we do everything possible to turn said friends against you and leave you standing alone. For that, I'd like to say I'm sorry.

What I've learned is that girls like you don't ever really go away. Whether we're 15, 25, or 50, you're always there in some way. You're that ever present girl that's never going to like us, regardless of how much we often want you to. So I'm left wondering, if we can't change your presence, how can we respond to the hurt you often bring to our lives?

If I could tell you one thing, it would be that we love you. We love you regardless of the hurt and pain that you've brought to our lives. We  know that maybe the way you're acting says more about how you've been treated by others than it says about you. We know that some times even bad attention is good attention and that maybe you just want someone to realize that you're there. We know that maybe no one has ever shown you a different way of treating people and for that we're sorry.

We want you to know that ultimately, there is one who loves you so much more than we every could. We want you to know there is a God that created you and sent His son to die on a cross for you in order for you to live in eternity with him.  That's a love that surpasses all understanding, and that's the love we want you to know. That's the love that changes our hearts, that's the love that changes our actions and how we respond to you. That's the love that we strive to show in every action and reaction, in every word and thought. That's the love that allows us to tell you that we forgive you for the hurt you've brought to our lives and that we still love you.

We know that life isn't easy and no matter how old we are, we've never really got it figured out. We know that going through life alone is completely miserable and without a trusted friend by our side, it often seems impossible. We know that we might never be best friends, but we want you to know we're choosing not to respond to your attacks in a way that causes more hurt and pain. We're choosing today to respond in a way that lets you know that you are not invisible and the hurt and pain in your life means something to someone.

We want you to know that whether you've started rumors about us, manipulated situations, used our deepest wants and desires against us, or you've just been flat out rude, we forgive you. We want you to know that we're sorry for the times that we've acted the same way to you or other girls and we want you to know that together, we can be different.  This world is crazy enough as it is, we don't need to go around wounding each other any more. 

We want you to know that when it seems like you're only option is be a mean girl, we can take it and we wont hold it against you. We want to be different. We want you to be different. We want you to know that you're loved and you're valued and you can be yourself with us. We want you to know that you are beautiful and you have a unique purpose that only you can fulfill. We want to see you fulfill that.

Lets move forward together right now. Let's decide to put the hurt and pain of the past aside and walk forward together. Lets accept the fact that we'll all have bad days and there will be times we say and do things we later wish we shouldn't. Lets admit that we wont always like each other and we wont always be best friends, but lets decide that we don't have to start another war tomorrow. Lets admit that we wont hold the things you say against you and we certainly wont let it define the way we see you. Lets both remember that regardless of how we've been treated in the past and the hurt we often receive from family, friends, and those closest to us, we're much better off supporting each other than we are  attacking each other.

We see you mean girl, we see you and we love you. We're sorry for the hurt we've caused you in the past and we forgive you for the hurt you've caused us. Now lets move on together because we love you.

Sincerely, Us.