10 years and an 8 minute mile later.

I realized recently that it's been ten years since I was 15, ten years since I was a sophomore in high school. It doesn't seem to me like sophomore year of high school normally holds that much significance; you're done with freshman year and no longer the new kids any more but you aren't a junior yet which normally means no prom and you aren't quite ready to think about college and life after graduation. It's just another year. But for me, my sophomore year was more than just another year. If you ask my parents, they might tell you they didn't really like who I was that year. (They will also tell you that about my 6th grade year, just ask my mom) In 6th grade I think my bad attitude had more to do with puberty, my friends, and trying to figure out who I was. My sophomore year had a lot more to do with my world seemingly revolving around a boy and an 8 minute mile. Looking back now, depending on the day, it’s a year I may or may not want to repeat if I had to do it all over again. It's a year that changed me in more ways than one but it's also a year that 25-year-old me can see God used to shape me into who I am today.

At my high school, to play volleyball each player had to run an 8 minute mile to start the season and play. If you know me, you know I hate running. I always hated running but I think that after my sophomore year, those feelings grew substantially. Long story short, after playing a few games on JV at the end of my freshman year, I made varsity my sophomore year. I had worked hard during two-a-days and I was so excited for the opportunity to play on varsity. The issue was that I hadn't made my 8 minute mile yet. Day after day I would run that mile before school and day after day I'd miss my time. Eventually I lost my spot on varsity and got moved down to JV. To say I was disappointed at that time is an understatement. There is no way for me to adequately write how I felt during that time. It was a very low time, I felt like a failure and considered quitting volleyball for the first time in my life. There were a lot of days I wanted to quit and a lot of days I begged my parents to let me quit but in all their parental wisdom, that wasn't an option. So each day I kept running that mile, kept missing my time, kept going to class defeated and broken, kept going to practice knowing I wasn't going to get to play in the game. And each morning, I'd get up and try it one more time. 

I think my parents knew that at that point, it wasn't even about the 8 minute mile anymore. It was about a mountain in my life that loomed in front of me and seemed impossible to climb. I wanted to turn around and walk the other way, decide that it wasn't worth the effort any more. I think they knew that up to this point, things came pretty easy to me. I hadn't really faced a challenge in life that tested my resolve, that pushed me to my breaking point, that forced me to decide what was really worth fighting for. I think they knew that in life there would be more mountains, and if I didn't climb this one, I might not climb the next one either.

Eventually I made the mile. I remember telling my Mom, I'm sure she cried, because that's what she does. Happy tears of course. I had concurred my mountain. And my life went on as a sophomore in high school. I played volleyball every other year in high school and I can promise you it didn't take me that long to make my mile again!

Looking back now, I realize so many ways that God used that time in my life to shape me into who I am today. One thing I learned then that I didn't fully appreciate the depth of until now is this- God placed the exact people in my life that I needed at that time.  What I didn't tell you yet is that my Dad and my brother were running with me every morning. My teammates were running with me every morning. Encouraging me each step of the way, pushing me harder than I thought I could go (sometimes physically pushing me) until I reached the ultimate goal.  My mom was praying for me daily, sitting in her car across from the track as I ran to climb that dumb mountain. I don't think I'll every know the number of people she had praying for me during that time, but oh how thankful I am for each of them. Their prayers were strength and encouragement I needed to keep going. I found a card the other day from my mom's group of friends, "The Fire Ants"  that they gave me when I finally made the mile. What a treasured possession that card still is to me today. To some people, it's just another card but to me it is a visual reminder of God's provision in my life during that time, placing the people in my life that I needed at that exact moment.

That's one of the things I've learned since that time. No matter the time or place, God places specific people in our lives for specific purposes. Sometimes those people  are physically walking through the valley, physically climbing the mountain with us, pushing us on towards the prize. Sometimes those people aren't physically walking the journey with us, but they are there interceding to the Father on our behalf. Look around today and see those people in your life. Thank God for each of them because He's put them there for a reason.  Know this sweet friends, he didn't design you to go through this life alone, he created you for relationship. Relationship with Him and relationship with others. You don't have to walk through this season alone.

For a long time, I questioned God's plan and his purpose in regards to that time in my life. I didn't understand how the "good plan" would mean that I lost my spot on varsity and went through such a trying time.  Isaiah 55:8 says "My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts, says the Lord. And my ways are far beyond anything you can imagine."  That is truth. His ways are so far beyond anything I can imagine. And because of that, I have learned (and continue to learn) to trust. Ten years later, I can see a purpose for that time in my life. I can see that it was vital that I learned the perseverance, the drive to never give up on myself, and the will to keep fighting  for the goal during that time in my life. Those lessons would be vital my senior year to staying true to who I was and the faith I had no matter the cost. Those lessons would be vital during a time in 2010 when I wasn't sure if I'd get into PT school and wanted to give up on that whole plan. Those lessons would be vital two months into PT school when my best friend in the program decided a career in physical therapy wasn't for him and I felt like I was alone, overwhelmed, and wanting to quit that plan again. Those lessons would be vital more times than I can even count during that three year period of my life that we call physical therapy school. But here I am. I made it. I concurred that mountain and can say that I've been a physical therapy for over a year now. Thank God for those lessons. And thank God my parents didn't let me quit when I wanted to.

I think it would have been a lot easier for them to let me quit when I wanted to. It sure would have saved them a lot of time and energy over the next few years carting me to practices and spending endless hours sitting on hard bleachers watching games. But I can say today, 10 years later, I am so thankful they didn't let me quit when I wanted to. As I've been thinking over this post the last few days, that’s the message I want to get across to each of you. Don't quit. I know the mountain before you seems daunting but what I've learned about this life is this, there will always be mountains to climb over, there will always be valleys to climb out of. That is one guarantee I can give you. But don't give up. God didn't put you there in that situation to leave you there. He is using it for your good and to bring glory to His name. Yes, the easy path may be to give into the situation, turn around, quit and go back the way you came, but sometimes, that perseverance he's creating in you today is preparing you for the work that he's going to do through you tomorrow. Don't miss out on that.

Hear this- You are not defined by the mountains before you or behind you. It took me some time to realize that I was not defined by that 8 minute mile or by my spot on the JV or varsity team.  I see now that those things are fleeting and when I'm 90, no one will care  how many times it took me to run an 8 minute mile. What will matter is the times that I stayed the course and hopefully pointed to my Savior each step of the way. It is not my strength that causes me to persevere through the trials of this life but His strength in me. Maybe there are mountains in your past that you were unable to climb, trials, struggles, difficulties that you did not overcome, please know that they do not define the future that God has for you. Even now he is using those things to work in your life, to work His plan for good, and to bring glory to His name. Let that be the healing balm that your soul needs. Let that be the hope that you need today to face the mountains before you.

Ten years later, I can confidently say to you, that I see a purpose for all those miles I ran. I can see a purpose in my parents not letting me quit. I can see that overcoming that mountain in my life as a sophomore was vital to overcoming mountains in my life in college and even now. Phillip Yancey says this, "I have learned that Faith means trusting in advance what will only make sense in reverse." I get that now. I didn't a few years ago. But can I also say this, sometimes there will be situations that never make sense in this life. The reason, the purpose, the plan, it is not always for us to know in this lifetime. And that's ok. Sometimes, the vastness of God's plan is too much for our human minds to comprehend.  There are still things about that year of my life as a 15-year-old girl that don't make any more sense to me now as a 25-year-old girl than they did then. But I have learned, and at times have to daily remind myself that I believe in the plan and path, I believe in a Savior and a Father who's ways are not my ways, who's thoughts are not my thoughts, and I will trust him. I will trust that he is working from an eternal perspective that my human mind cannot grasp. And I will know that in all things God is working for the good of those who love him and who have been called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28)

I am not discounting the questions that you have today, I completely understanding them. I understand the longing that our human minds and hearts have to know the why. But I am telling you that in this earthly life, the why may not be for you to know. Do not give up. Do not lose heart. Do not stop trusting in the Savior who loves you, a sinner, enough to send His son to die on the cross for your sins. Because if I'm honest, that kind of love will never make sense to my human mind. But I trust it and I believe in it and because of it I keep moving forward climbing the mountain before me, running the miles of life, pressing on towards the goal of eternity with the Savior.

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through out Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character, and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. -Romans 5:1-5