{The Blessing Of Encouragement}

Let me start by saying this- my attitude lately has been less than stellar. When it comes to handling stress apparently, I'm just not. And that's not me. For the most part, I feel like I typically handle things well but in the past few weeks, it's like I'm a whole different person.

That being said, I really am trying. I'm trying to daily make a decision to choose joy and to lift my eyes a little higher than this world and its brokenness, focusing on the peace and hope of eternity.

Last Wednesday I thought I was doing really well. I had made a conscious effort all day to choose joy instead of an attitude of bitterness. Do you ever have those moments where you think you're doing really good? You think you've got things figured out. Your handling the stress of the day well and things finally seem to be heading in the right direction? Helpful hint- if you're there, don't say it out loud. Because I can almost guarantee as soon as you do, something is going to come and try to knock you over.

Obviously I'm speaking from experience. I couldn't even tell you now what set me off Wednesday afternoon. But something did and I spent most of the 20 minute drive to bible study trying to ward off tears. And then I spent most of the hour at bible study trying to do the same.

Now, I typically try to hide my emotions, especially tears and disappointment in most situations. I'm almost always unsuccessful but I try. Apparently Wednesday I was once again unsuccessful because by the time I got home Wednesday night I had messages from two different people asking me if I was ok and offering encouragement.

Those first two messages Wednesday night must have started something. Because in the last week, I've gotten messages or had conversations  with six different people that told me I had been on their heart, they had been thinking about me, and praying for me.

Thursday morning while I was at work, I got a message from a lady in bible study. Someone who I had never met but who had gotten my name as someone to pray for during the week and who had noticed my lack of a smile the night before. Her encouragement and prayer Thursday morning blessed my life more at that moment than I think she could have possibly known.

I have been absolutely overwhelmed by the blessing of encouragement in my life this week. I can promise you this- when you have six different people tell you that they're thinking about you and praying for you,  choosing joy is the only natural reaction. It's amazing because of those six people, I hadn't had a conversation about what I was dealing with or even that I was struggling with any of them. But they each allowed themselves to be a blessing by reaching out when God laid me on their hearts and it began to change my attitude on everything.

I can't stop thinking, that's exactly how The Church is intended to function. When we see someone struggling or walking through a tough season, we should always be there to offer encouragement and support. Unfortunately what I see all too often in "The Church" today is more hurt and more wounding when someone is already struggling.

Life is tough enough and I would hate for anyone to ever feel like they have to walk through it alone. I certainly didn't deserve the blessing I received this week with each message of encouragement or each prayer, but gosh, what a gift and what an encouragement that things weren't as bad as they felt in that moment.

I sincerely hope that each of you have people in your lives that are there for support and encouragement when you need them. And I hope that you can be that person for someone else. If we all took the time to encourage the people around us each day, there's no doubt in my mind lives would be changed and this world would be a better place.

I used to worry about what people would think if I sent them a text or a message out of the blue and told them I had been thinking about them or praying for them; that they would think I was weird or that it would freak them out. But I don't anymore. In all my years of life, I can't think of a single person who didn't appreciate a little bit of encouragement or to know that someone was thinking about them and cared enough to say it. I'm convinced at the very core of who we are, everyone just wants to be known and to know that someone, somewhere cares about them.

So if someone's on your mind, tell them. Let them know that you care and let them know you're there as a support if and when they need you. Maybe they're walking through a small storm right now and they just need some encouragement to keep going. Maybe they aren't walking through a battle yet but one's coming. Let them know you're ready when the time comes. Let them know that you care about them, because it's always nice to know that you have people in your corner supporting and ready to fight with you; and it just might change everything for them.

{What I've Learned About Being Vulnerable And Taking Risks}

 A dear friend reminded me that today is the 1 year anniversary of the blog. I'm glad she knew, because I certainly didn't. I'll be honest, I've been seriously neglecting the blog for the last few months but I'm hoping to get back into the swing of things soon. So in honor of that,  today I started thinking back over the last year of the my life and this blog and about the things I've learned and experienced.

If I had to choose one thing I've learned the most in the past twelve months, its to be vulnerable and to take risks. Ok, maybe that’s two things. When I started writing this blog, I wanted to be open and honest about the things I was struggling with, the things I was going through, and the things God was teaching me. I knew that would be easy at times, difficult at others. Even in a time where everything about anything is on social media, I always want to put my best foot forward. So being open about struggles and difficulties here on the blog certainly puts me in a position of vulnerability at times.  But what I didn't realize was how much I would learn about being vulnerable and taking risks in my life outside of the blog.

I think for a lot of us, the word vulnerable has negative connotations.  It definitely does for me at times. But I'm trying to change my idea of that word because I don't think it has to be negative. I think that all too often we feel like we have to always be strong, always put our best foot forward, and we can't let people see our struggles because they might think us weak. But what's wrong with letting people see that we're human? The truth is, it doesn't matter how tough we try to make ourselves, we all have a breaking point. We all have things that are going to get to us, things that we're going to struggle with, things we're going to suck at, things people aren't going to like about us, but deep down, those are the very things that make us who we are.

To really know someone, to let someone really know you, we have to be vulnerable. We can spend a lot of time putting on a facade but at some point, we have to make a choice- either we allow people to see, and I mean really see who we are or we choose to never really know anyone. I don't know about you, but that's not how I want to live life. Whether it's in our families, our friendships, our dating relationships, our marriages, whatever it is, at some point we have to decide to let people see who we really are, the good, the bad, and the ugly.  When we make that decision to be vulnerable and to take risks, I think we really start living life. We start weeding out the people and things in our lives that aren’t good for us, and replacing them with the things that are.

For this first born, type A personality person, taking risks certainly doesn't come easy for me. For the first 25 1/2 years of my life, I was a planner (ok I definitely still am). Before moving into any situation, I face it head on, I weigh the consequences, I think through every possible scenario and outcome, and in a lot of those situations in the past, I've decided that the risk was not worth the reward. I wont say that doing that has kept me from living life, but I do think that it kept me from really being the person I was meant to be.

I've jokingly been saying for the past 7-8ish months that I'm in a rebel phase of life. But what I've realized in the past few weeks, is that I'm finally being who I want to be, fully being the person God created me to be. And that's a person who doesn't ALWAYS have to play life safe. It's a person that's realized that sometimes the greatest things in life come from taking chances. And sometimes the risk isn't worth the reward but it's still a chance worth taking.

I can almost pin point the moment in the last twelve months when things began to change in my life, when I decided that being vulnerable and taking risks wasn't necessarily a bad things. I can tell you that making that decision was scary and one that I put a lot of thought into but one that in hindsight I can tell you I don't regret. It was a decision that taught me a lot about myself and being vulnerable with other people, no matter what the outcome.

I've heard it said that the only things we regret in life are the chances we didn't take. I can't think of a truer statement for the last year of my life.  Life doesn't always turn out like we want it to. Sometimes being vulnerable and taking risks doesn't lead us down paths we THOUGHT we would take but that doesn't mean it wasn't a path we were meant to travel.

Vulnerability is not comfortable. No one wants to put themselves in a position where they can be hurt or where things seemingly fall apart. But what I've learned is, that's just living life. If we aren't ever willing to be vulnerable, we're never going to see the benefits that come from taking risks. Great things never come from standing in out comfort zones forever. Even as I write this, I think back to Peter walking on water. Sure, everyone wants to harp on the fact that Peter took his eyes off Jesus and started to sink. But what I love most about that story is that Peter was willing to get out of the boat. He was willing to take a risk and because of that, he saw great reward as he walked to Jesus on the water.

I don't want to be one of the 11 disciples left in the boat my whole life. I want to boldly go after the things God has for me in life. I want to be vulnerable and to take risks. I want people to know without a doubt that I care about them enough to let them see those things I'd most often rather keep tucked away for no one to know.

Most importantly, I don’t want to look back at any situation in my life and regret not taking a risk, not living life to the fullest simply because I was scared of being vulnerable and having things crash and burn. Will things always workout the way I want them to? Absolutely not. There will be things that I fail at, more than once I'm sure. There will be people who don't like me. There will be people that are better at certain things than I am. But if I've learned anything about being vulnerable and taking risks, I've learned that it's ok to fail. The journey, with it's ups and downs is what makes life worth living.

If you take anything at all away from this blog, I hope that you take away my encouragement to be vulnerable and take risks. I can almost guarantee that things wont always turn out the way you want them to but that doesn't mean you won't end up with something even greater. It doesn't matter if you're struggling with being vulnerable and taking risks in a relationship with a friend or significant other, a career move, or some other major life decision, in 10 years the things you're going to regret the most are the chances that you didn't take. Life is too short not to take chances and to always be afraid of being vulnerable. At some point we may not have another opportunity to tell people how we really feel or what we really want in life. We may not get another opportunity to take the job of a lifetime or to do that thing we've always wanted to do. So please do me one favor- take a risk, be vulnerable, and know that no matter what happens your journey is better for it. 

{If I Could Tell You One Thing}

If I could tell you one thing, it would be that God loves you. If it seems like a simple statement, it's because it is. Somewhere along the line however, we have made it into a conditional, self serving, only applicable to the people we feel deserve it, type of statement. And I feel that our lack of application and sharing of God's love with those around us stems from our own lack of understanding in our individual lives.

But what if that changed. What if we really understood that God loves us? How would our lives be different? How would our interactions with others be different? How would our country and our world be different?

I grew up in the church. I grew up always "knowing" that God loved me. And I know it now. But it hasn't been until recently that God has so graciously reminded me and laid that truth on my heart, knitting it into the fabric of who I am. He loves me. Me, a sinner who at times CHOOSES to live a life contrary to his truth.  He knows what I've done. He knows who I am. He knows how I've already failed him and how I'll fail him tomorrow. But he loves me. He knew each of those things when he placed his son on the cross to die for my sins yet he chose to do it anyways. Nothing about my life or my choices surprises him. And he still loves me.

If you don't ever get anything else out of what I say in life, my prayer is that you too would know that God loves you. Let that sink in. The God of the universe, the one who spoke the world and creation into being, the one that is not bound by the limits of time or space, loves you. He loves you. And he wants a relationship with you.

He doesn't care about your past. He doesn't care about the things you've done or said. The truth is, even when you didn't realize it, he was there in those moments with you and he loved you regardless.

Sometimes people wonder why a "loving God" allows bad things to happen in the world, and its because of His love that he does. He as a loving and just God, allows man one of the greatest gifts we could ever have, free will, because he loves us. But because of that, we frequently screw things up. We make poor decisions, we give in to temptation and sin and as a result, we often find ourselves on the ground looking up.

But please don't lose heart my friends. Even in those moments, God still loves you and he is still right there with you. He is waiting for you to call out to him, take his hand, and allow him to bring you out of darkness. God doesn't take away the bad things we've seen, or done, or been through in our lives but when we allow him to, His love begins to shine light into the darkest of places and where there is light, darkness cannot remain any longer.

My prayer for the last few weeks has been that each of you will KNOW the love of a holy God. That you would begin to look at your life and you would begin to see light where there has always been darkness 

I pray that you would know that NO MATTER WHAT, God still and always will love you. Nothing you have done or will do, surprises him. He already knew it and he already died for it. Realize that freedom- he knew every sin you would ever commit against him, and he still died to forgive it. He didn't wait for you to get your life together and to stop sinning, he died for you, exactly the way you were, because he loves you.

I will not deny that I make poor decisions in my life, but God in the fullness of who he is, still loves me. He still offers peace, hope, and forgiveness wherever I am. And he wants to do the same for you.

I don't know where you are in your life today, I don't know if you're in a period of great trust in God and his love, if you're struggling to hold tightly to his love because of trials and difficulties, or if you've never really experienced the power of His love. My prayer and my hope is that WHEREVER you are, you would see God's love and power in your life in a real and tangible way. A way that is personal to YOU and that allows you to KNOW that a loving God knows you and cares about YOU. He knows every bit of who you are and he loves you.  And through that, I pray that today you would be able to trust a little more.

When I set my sights on the love of the one who sacrificed their life for me, everything about my life begins to change. And that's what God wants to do for you as well, if you will only trust in His Love. Wherever you are right now call out to Him, He will answer you and he will begin to reveal His love to you in a life changing way. I promise, He loves you. Let him show you that. 

{Before You Judge Me For My Tattoos And Rebellion}

I told my co-workers today that I want to dye part of my hair blue. And that I want to get more tattoos.  As the words came out of my mouth, I jokingly laughed and told them I didn't even know who I was anymore.

For several months I've been telling a hand full of people in my life  that I'm going through a rebellious phase. I can almost pin point for you when this "phase" started, although I can't exactly say why. At first I thought it was because I wasn't content with where God had me in life. Then I thought it might be because of a certain person in my life. Do you know what I've realized though- I think this "rebel" side of me is exactly who God intended me to be all along. You can tell me that God never intended for me to have blue hair or tattoos and we can debate that later. What I'm trying to say is that God created me to be who HE wants me to be, and not who everyone else wants me to be.

Several months ago I had a conversation with my mom about getting more tattoos. She told me that she felt like my tattoos were a bit of rebellion. But what she said next was this- "The funny part about your "rebellious" phase is that you think your Dad and I will be disappointed with you. And that's simply not the case." I don't think she meant it to be some profound, thought provoking comment but it stuck with me and I found so much truth in that comment. Simply put- I was worried about what other people might think about me. I was worried about what my family would think, what my friends and co-workers would think, what the parents of my youth girls would think.

I've always been a people pleaser. I  hate when people are upset or disappointed with me and for a lot of years, some of the decisions I've made have been based on the fact that I don't want to disappoint anyone around me. I could tell you that my parents put these expectations on me that I always felt like I had to live up to, but that would be a lie. Yes they had hopes and expectations for my life but never once have I felt like they were disappointed with me or loved me any less, if those things didn't happen. I just hate disappointing people. That's part of who I am.

But what I've learned (or been reminded of) in the last few months is this- I am NEVER going to be able to make everyone happy. There will always be people in my life who disapprove of how I'm living MY life. There will always be people that I disappoint. There will always be expectations that I don't meet. And that's OK. I'm human. What's not ok is to try to be someone different just to please everyone else.

I've been blessed with the opportunity to do a lot of work with high school and middle school girls at church over the last two years and one of the most important things I can teach the girls is to be confident in who they are. Society has plenty of different things to say about who they should be but what I want them to know is who God says they are. If nothing else, I want them to be able to stand up and confidently say "this is who I am." I want them to be able to live a life that reflects the will of God in everything that they do. To teach them that, I have to know that about myself.

I don't want to wake up in ten years and say, I wish I would have done x,y, and z with my life but I didn't because I was afraid of disappointing someone. Please hear me out- there is only one person that I should measure my actions and my life against and that's God. If the things I'm doing line up with the truth of His word, His teaching, and His will for my life, other people's opinion of me or the things I'm doing shouldn't matter.  If the things I'm doing are contradictory to the truth of His word and teaching should someone hold me accountable- ABSOLUTELY.

There are always going to be times when I look for approval from people around me and where I struggle with being confident in who I am. Heck, I was considering writing a post just last week about what my selfies on social media really say about me. I was prepared to tell you that sometimes I post pictures just in hopes that a certain person(s) will like them. I think there are always going to be times where we seek approval from others but that is not how I want to live my life on  daily basis. 

But I can sit here today and tell you this- I am 26 years old and I am confident in who I am and who God created me to be. I have a job that I love. I own a home. I have a dog that I talk to like she's a human. I've worked really hard for the things that I have and I am happy with where God has me. I am single and have almost no single friends. I have four tattoos, I want to dye part of my hair blue, and I absolutely love this "rebel" phase of my life.  And for the first time in a long time, I can tell you that I don't need the approval of everyone else to be happy with where I am.

What I've realized is that my tattoos, my desire for blue hair, and my "responsibly rebellious" side make me who I am. Whether you approve of them or not, those things don’t change how much I love God or how much he loves me. They don't change my love of my job, or my ability to be a good physical therapist. They don't negate the fact that I love people and that I want to have a positive influence in the lives of those around me. They make me exactly who I'm supposed to be. 

I want to live knowing that I'm right WHERE God wants me to be and I want to live knowing that I'm exactly WHO he wants me to be. And I want that for you too. Life is tough enough as it is without the added pressure of living up to other's expectations. Lets all live confidently in who God created us to be. Each of us in our own unique way- tattoos and blue hair included. 

What We Must Remember On Memorial Day.

Today is Memorial Day. For many it's the end of a three day weekend, it's an extra day off from work, it’s a chance to go to the lake (or not considering all the rain), it’s a time to spend with friends and family, to drink and party. But the day was never meant to just be an extra day off from work or a day to symbolize the start of Summer vacation. It's a day to remember the ultimate sacrifice given by American Soldiers for the freedoms we have today. Ironically, that same freedom they fought so hard for, allows each of us to enjoy the day off from work, partying and drinking if we so choose, sometimes, shamefully forgetting the sacrifices made.

I've said it before, but I feel so incredibly blessed to come from a family with a rich military history. Because of this, I feel like I have a special place in my heart for veterans and their families. But if I'm honest, all too often, I take for granted the Freedoms that I have because of those Veterans and the soldiers killed during war. I always always always want Soldiers and Veterans to know how grateful I am for their service. I also want them to know that I'm thankful for the sacrifices of their friends and brothers who never made it back home. That's what this day is for. It's a day to remember those that gave the ultimate sacrifice for our country, those that never made it home to their families. And that's why I wanted to write this post, to remember those sacrifices.

I love history but I didn’t know the full history of Memorial Day when I had the thought to write this post. So I did some research and here are 12 facts you may not know about the holiday. Consider this your lesson for the day (http://www.va.gov/opa/speceven/memday/history.asp)

1. Three years after the civil war ended on May 5, 1868 Decoration Day was established by the Grand Army of the Republic.
2. Decoration day was established as a time to decorate the graves of Soldiers killed in the war.
3. The first large observance of Decoration Day was held on May 30th at Arlington National Cemetery.
4. The crowd in attendance that day was approximately the same as today:  ~ 5,000 people.
5. Small American flags were placed on the graves and the tradition continues across the country today.
6. On May 5 1866 citizens honored local veterans who had fought and were killed in the Civil War.
7. Today cities in the north and south continue to claim their towns as the birthplace of Memorial Day in 1866.
8. In 1966 President Johnson and Congress declared Waterloo, N.Y. as the birthplace of memorial day.
9. Memorial day was declared a national holiday in 1971
10. It was not until after World War I that the day became known as a day to honor those who died in all American wars.
11. In December of 2000, Congress also passed "The National Moment of Remembrance Act."
12. This law was passed to encourage Americans to pause wherever they are at 3pm on Memorial Day to observe a minute of silence to remember and honor those who died in service to our nation.

According to the Department of Veterans Affairs, 651,031 American soldiers were killed in America's wars from 1775-1991 in battle. Another 308,800 Soldiers died in theater during the same time frame. According to the department of defense, 6,835 American soldiers have been killed in the Global War on Terror from 2001- present.

(http://www.va.gov/opa/publications/factsheets/fs_americas_wars.pdf, http://www.defense.gov/news/casualty.pdf)

That’s 966,666 American Soldiers killed for our freedom. Those men and women never made it home to their families and friends. Let that sobering fact sink in for a minute.

There isn't much more I can say. 966,666 Americans have given their lives for your freedom and my freedom. Their families have sacrificed. Their friends have sacrificed. Their brothers have sacrificed. Unfortunately, that number will climb. There will be more families, more friends, more brothers who have to say goodbye to their loved ones as they too make the ultimate sacrifice for our freedom. And today we owe it to them to remember what this day is all about. 

Today, we must remember the sacrifices made by those 966,666 Americans.

Nothing we do, will bring back those lost. But you and I have the opportunity to honor them in a small way today, by seeing this day for what it is. May we always remember the freedoms we have because of them. May we always fight to protect those freedoms and may we take time today, if even just for a moment to set aside our partying and celebrating to remember those sacrifices.

I will leave you with this quote I read on the Veterans affair's website. Even if I tried, I couldn't say it better than this. I can't help but wonder what our country would be like, if we actually took to heart the weight of these words. 

As Maj. Gen. John A. Logan declared May 30th Decoration Day in 1868, he stated- "We should guard their graves with sacred vigilance. ... Let pleasant paths invite the coming and going of reverent visitors and fond mourners. Let no neglect, no ravages of time, testify to the present or to the coming generations that we have forgotten as a people the cost of a free and undivided republic.”

When God Restores What We Can Only See As Broken.

A dear sweet friend of mine turned 26 earlier this week and as I was thinking about how thankful I am for her friendship, I was reminded of a time when I didn't think we would ever be friends again. And in that moment, I was reminded of God's awesome restoring power.

I met Emily my second year at OBU through my roommate Hannah. What I distinctly remember about meeting her for the first time,  was her walking into my dorm room where we were watching A Knight's Tale and blurting out "He's dead," in reference to Heath Ledger. She didn't say "Hi, nice to meet you," or anything like that but the friendship was obviously meant to be because I found the comment hilarious. Maybe it's our awkwardness in social situations that forged the friendship, but whatever it was, we quickly became really good friends and it was hard to remember a time when I didn't know her. We all have friends like that, or at least I hope we do.

Over the next couple of years, Emily and I became really close friends and looking back I see how intentional God was in placing her in my life. I struggled a lot with friendships my senior year of High school, really feeling like I didn't fit in or belong with any one. When I went to college, God gave me some of the best friends of my life, friends that I can still call today and we can pick up where we left off even if we haven't talked in months. Emily was one of those people.

She became a spiritual accountability partner and really challenged me to grow in my faith. In December of 2009, we went on a mission trip with a group from our church to NYC and our friendship was strengthened even more. There's something to be said about the bonds of friendship when two  20-year-olds from Texas and Oklahoma  walk through Brooklyn at night together in the middle of a blizzard. I don't think I've ever been colder than I was at that moment, and looking back I was probably slightly scared to be walking through Brooklyn at night.  But we made it safely and I hope that we touched lives the rest of the mission trip.

Anyways, like I said after the mission trip Emily and I were closer friends than we had ever been. I was getting ready to finish my last semester of undergrad at OBU when things changed quickly and drastically with our friendship.

Because the details aren't important, I'm going to leave most of them out. What's important to this story is that essentially Emily and I went from being best friends one day to not even talking to each other the next. In the moment, it's easy to point fingers and say it's the other person's fault but looking back I take so much responsibility for how I handled the situation and the role I played in essentially ending our friendship.

I was so angry at Emily and at God and I honestly didn't understand how either of us could just walk away from such a strong friendship. But we did. And it was hard. There were lots of tears, lots of anger, lots of asking "Why? Why? Why?" and there really weren't a lot of answers.

I graduated in May of 2010 with plans to go to OU for grad school and my roommate Hannah and I planned to move to Norman. It seemed to both of us that we probably wouldn't be friends with Emily again and that she'd just be "that friend we had in college."

I'm so glad that wasn't God's ultimate plan. Remember- this is a post about restoration. So everyone take a deep breath and let's get to the good part…

At some point during my first year in PT school, Emily contacted me about meeting to talk. You have to remember, this was someone who I had literally ended a friendship with in a matter of days and I remember being a little hesitant to meet at first. I remember her coming to my house and us talking about some things that had been going on and how some things had changed. I remember her leaving that night thinking, at least we don't hate each other any more. (I don't think we ever really hated each other, but it felt like that at times.)

After that night, there wasn't some magical thing that happened where we liked each other again or where we wanted to hang out all the time. After that night I honestly don't know if we talked again for a year or so.  But it seemed that we had gotten back to a place of mutual respect for one another.

My last year of PT school however, I had the random notion to invite her to a concert with me in Dallas. It was the first time we had talked in a while and I remember again being somewhat hesitant about spending the weekend in Texas after we had barely seen each other in 2 years.

But I can say with totally confidence that it was definitely God's plan to restore our friendship at that exact time. There's no other plausible explanation to the fact that we went from hardly talking in two years to going to a concert together in Dallas.

It was like we had been friends the entire time and that our "falling out" had never even happened.  The beautiful thing about God resorting our friendship the way he did was the fact that we never even had to talk about what had happened in the first place.

Obviously we both knew there were hurt feelings on both sides of the table. At some point, we both realized that we had each been wrong somewhere along the line but no one came back two years later pointing fingers and looking for someone to blame for the whole situations.

What I can see now that I couldn't see then was that it was vital for each of us to walk through that season without the friendship to become the people that God wanted us to be at that time in our lives. I think if you ask either of us we would tell you it was such a growing (and challenging) time for each of us, but so worth it in the end.

We had both changed so much in the years where we didn't talk but it seemed to me that our friendship was stronger than it had ever been before. Some of my favorite memories from my last year of PT school involve hanging out with Emily, just ask her about a certain New Years Eve at my apartment…actually, don't ask her about that NYE.

When I think back on those years, I see God's hand and his power over our friendship and both our lives. Restoring my friendship with Emily was something only God could do. I certainly am not a person to back down easily when I think I'm right, and I always want to be right. But when I started looking at everything that had happened between us, I could see how I had been wrong, and I could also see how none of that even mattered any more.

It didn't matter to either of us who had been right and who had been wrong. It didn't matter the hurtful words we had said or the things  we had done wrong, we had essentially forgotten all of it. And it wasn't through my strength that I could do that, but only through God our Father.  Sometimes I catch myself holding on to hurts and wrongs that I feel have been done to me. The amazing thing about restoration here was that none of that mattered to either of us. God had handled every hurt that we had and he had brought healing all at once.

Today, I can tell you how very thankful I am for Emily and her friendship. I'm so thankful that God restored the friendship, and I love seeing what God is doing in her life and how He is using her to impact his kingdom. I'm also so thankful for the blessing that came out of such a time of struggle in my life.

God has shown himself to be faithful through the ups and downs of my friendship with Emily and he has shown that he is working all things for our good and that He alone is making all things news.

I honestly never thought that Emily and I would be friends again. I also didn't think that we would even talk to each other again, but God did a work in both of our hearts and because of it, I think we both received the blessing of a restored friendship.

As I've said before, I don't think that anger and bitterness is ever honoring to God, especially between believers. If we as Christians can't get along with those that we call our brothers and sisters how on earth are we ever going to get along with the world?

Please don't get me wrong here, ultimately it was not Emily or I that restored our friendship. That was 100% God. But, we had to be open to allowing his work in our lives and we had to be willing to respond when he told us to. God did the ultimate work of restoration when he sent his son to die on a cross for a our sins. Adam and Eve made the decision in the garden that would ultimately allow sin into the world and sever the perfect relationship with the Father.

However, God in his sovereignty loved us enough to send the ultimate gift of restoration. He is calling each of us to a restored relationship with himself through his son. Before we can ever have true restoration with those around us, I believe we have to have restoration with the Father. If you don't know if you have that relationship with him today, please ask someone to talk to you about it. Restoration of my relationship with God is the only thing that allows me to have relationships with other people.  

I know that the difference in a restored relationship with the Father and relationships with those around us is that God offers perfect unconditional love to us. Relationships with people are broken, full of hurt, and marked by sin in our lives. The beautiful thing and the thing I hope you get out of this post is that God can restore even those broken relationships. If he can restore sinners to himself, he can restore any human relationship. I said it before, I honestly didn't think that Emily and I would ever be friends again. I had gotten to a place where I was happy for her and the things that God was doing in her life however, I knew I wouldn't be a part of it. And then when I least expected it, in a totally unexpected way, God did a work of restoration. It wasn't anything Emily and I had done but thankfully we both responded to his call for restoration at that time.

There are relationships that I know of that seem way past the point of restoration for a number of different reasons. And maybe those relationships will never experience restoration on this earth. But I fully believe that God can and wants to restore relationships. We have to be willing to allow him to change our hearts, our thoughts, our actions towards those people, being willing to allow restoration where he is working. Whatever broken relationship you’re facing today, I pray that you would begin to see the threads of God's work of restoration there. Healing may be slow and it may take time, it may not come all at once like it did with mine and Emily's relationship, but God is always working, even when we can't see it or feel it. Whether it's a broken marriage, a broken friendship, a broken family relationship, whatever it is God wants to restore it.

Whatever the situation you're facing today, I hope this brings you hope. I hope you're able to see that God can and will restore relationships, even we don't see any possible way for that to happen.  Ultimately he wants to start by restoring your relationship with him. If you allow him into your life to restore that relationship, I can promise you things are going to change in your life. Relationships are going to be changed and you're going to see God's power to do anything. 

What Physical Therapy, Chalkboards, and Headbands All Have In Common.

If you're wondering what physical therapy, chalkboards, and headbands all have in common, the answer is absolutely nothing. Except for the fact that all three are important in my life right now.

I know it sounds weird to say headbands and chalkboards are important in my life.  It sounds weird, even to me. But what I've begun to realize is that God puts things in our lives to enjoy and to use to bring Him glory.

It just so happens that God's using those three things, no matter how different they each are, to teach me about the beauty in the passions He places in our lives, big or small.

As I was telling someone today, physical therapy has been what I wanted to do as a career since I can remember. As a freshman in high school, I had an ankle injury in basketball that required therapy and I remember telling my own PT at the time that I wanted to do physical therapy when I graduated. I have absolutely no idea where my first exposure to the field came from, but looking back I'm certain that desire came straight from the Lord.

In May I will have been out of PT school for two years and practicing at a job that I love for that same amount of time. Somedays I still catch myself thinking, "Is this really my life? How did I get so lucky to have a career that I love so much?" The truth is, luck had nothing to do with it.

I put in a lot of hard work, dedication, tears and laughter to reach my dream of being a PT and now I'm getting to live that out as my daily reality. But no matter how much hard work I put in, I couldn't have done it without the strength of a God who had plans bigger than I could imagine.

Long before I even really understood it, he was writing that dream, that passion on my heart and He was using circumstances and people in my life to prepare me to live out that dream today. In the two years that I've been practicing, I've met countless people and I've had the unique opportunity to be a part of each of my patients lives as they work towards healing in whatever form is appropriate. Sometimes being there, being such a vital role in the process is overwhelming and often brings tears and laughter, but even with the trials and heartaches at times, it's worth it to be living out something I love so much.

Sometimes I meet a patient that catches me totally by surprise for one reason or another and it's in those moments that I know God has me where he wants me. And that alone makes getting up and going to work every day worth it.

Now you're probably thinking, where do the chalkboards and headbands come  in? And I'm about to tell you. During my three years of PT school, there was little time for anything besides studying and there certainly wasn’t time for a hobby. At least not for me. Those three years seemed to drag on forever; when I wasn't in class, I was studying, and when I wasn't studying, I was in class.

Now I'm two years out of PT school, and there are still times I catch myself thinking there's something I need to be doing, something I need to be working on, or studying for. I'm always overjoyed when I realize there isn't. But once I finally grasped the concept of being out of school, I quickly realized I needed something to do to occupy my time.

Pinterest alone is a great time waster but it also gave me plenty of ideas for projects to tackle. And maybe somewhere in there I got the idea to start making chalkboard signs. The first one I made was for my niece's birthday, it was a huge hit (as big a hit as a chalkboard at a 1-year-olds birthday party can be) and the rest is sort of history. "Dirt Road Designs" was born,the headbands recently followed and I've ended up with this little side business that I absolutely love.

Whether it's the chalkboard signs, the headbands, or refinishing an old piece of furniture, I've realized that I absolutely love the creating process. And even more than that, I love presenting someone with something that's unique and special to them. I've always said I show love through giving gifts, it's one of my favorite things to do, and this allows me to do that on a regular basis.

Quite simply put,God has used headbands and chalkboards to instill a new passion in my life right now for creating pieces that are important to those receiving them. When I look at those two things in the whole grand scheme of life, headbands and chalkboards mean absolutely nothing but God has taught me that He can create blessings even in the little things. That's what these chalkboards and headbands have become for me. If I can brighten one person's day with a sign or even a headband then I did what I set out to do.

Now I say all of that to say this to you- whatever your passions, big OR small, live them out. Pursue them wholeheartedly and trust God that if he laid those passions on your life, He will be faithful to use those.

God can use absolutely anything to bring himself glory. He can use physical therapy or he can use a chalkboard sign and he works through different things in each of our lives at different seasons. That's what makes us each unique and that's what makes life fun and interesting.

I think we live in a society today that begs for every person to fit in, to look like everyone else, dress like everyone else, act like everyone else. And that's a boring life if you ask me. God created each of us to be unique with our own passions and loves that are important to accomplishing His will, in our lives and others. Don't be afraid to live that out and to be different. The God of the universe created you to be you and no one else can live out the job he gave you.

Take some time today and look at your life, look at your passions, look at those things God has placed in your life. Then go out and pursue them. No matter how big or small they seem to you, God can and will use them. It may be in the most unexpected way, but if God gave you those passions, then he has a plan to use them in your life for His glory. So share your passions with those around you every chance you get! You never know when it might be a blessing someone needed

There Are Certain People In My Life And I Don't Understand Why.

Let me start by saying- I have seriously been slacking on the blog since the beginning of the year. I don't really have a good answer as to why but I can say the past few weeks/months have been weird for me. There's not any particular reason that stands out in my mind except that I've kind of felt these past few weeks  that I've been trying to figure out who I am. Weird I know. I'm almost 26 and 95% of the time I feel very confident in who I am as a person and what I want out of life. I've jokingly told my family recently I'm going through a "25-year-old" rebellion. Some of you are probably thinking that's true considering the three new tattoos in the past 6ish weeks. I honestly don't know what it is, but it's caught me off guard and it's caused me to slack off in some areas of life, the blog being one of those areas. Or it could just be the fact that I've started a side business making chalkboards that's kept me so distracted but whatever it is, I want to be more focused on this blog. I want to continue to be open and honest, sharing my heart and the work God is doing in my life as he leads.

I made a couple of goals this year (I'm not calling them resolutions), one was to be intentional with everyone I came into contact with, one was to do my hair for work more often. I'll be honest. I've been a lot more successful with the latter.  I'm trying with the first goal, but let me tell you...It's only March and I've failed far more times than I'd like to count. As I discussed with someone earlier tonight, God created us to be relational people. He did not create us to go through this life without anyone else, if that was his plan He would never have created Eve for Adam.

There are so many different people in my life right now. Whether it's friends, church, family, or work, there are numerous people in and out of my life on a daily basis. I work in a job where I come into contact with numerous people daily. Depending on the setting, I can spend a few days, or a few months getting to know my patients through their therapy. Whether it's at work or somewhere else, my goal is the same- to be intentional and to take every opportunity God gives me with someone in my life.

I feel so strongly that every person we come into contact with is in our lives for a specific reason set by God. What I've found is that sometimes, I really struggle with understanding why God puts THOSE people in my life. That was one of the reasons I made it a goal to live more intentionally in my relationships with people this year. Because I truly believe God puts them in our lives for a reason. Maybe it's for a short period of time, maybe it's for a lifetime. Sometimes, God also brings unexpected people back into our lives years down the road for a new reason. Obviously it varies depending on the person and purpose God has. 

Let me tell you- sometimes I'm very thankful for the people God puts in my life. Sometimes I'm not. I sincerely hope that I'm not alone in this. I know I'm not the only one who's seriously questioned why God would put a certain someone in my life. Right?  I think it's natural for us to always want to know the reason why. You would think at 25 I'd understand that there are a lot of things where I'll never know the answer behind the "why." But today, right now, it's something that I still struggle with.  And more recently, it's been a struggle understanding why certain people are in my life at certain seasons of life and other people aren't.

I can look back on my life and think of three very specific people that I know God put in my life for a very specific reason at a very specific time. And I can tell you that out of those three, I know the reason (or as much of the reason as I can understand) for ONE of those people being in my life.  I've cried out to God more times with the other two than I can ever count, trying to understand the why, and He is yet to reveal that to me.

What I'm learning through this is that it's ok not to know the why. God has taught me recently that sometimes, my striving, my attempt at working things out only gets in the way. And sometimes that’s why I don't need to know the why. You see, I am a type A personality person all the way. I like to plan things out. I like to know exactly what the problem is so I can come up with a solution to fix it, even if it's someone else's problem. And I like to be in charge. Guess what, God reminds me pretty frequently that my striving to fix things on my own only causes more problems.

Sometimes my only option is to accept that fact that God has placed these people in my life at a certain time and that there's nothing I can do but give that relationship to him, trusting his working. In the moments recently where my heart has cried out for understanding God has so graciously shown me that sometimes he wants nothing more from me than intercession for the people in my life. Sometimes there's nothing I can physically do or say to fix the problem or the situation but I can ALWAYS go to throne of God lifting that person up to him.

I know that's the first thing I should do. But it isn't always my first thought. But God has so sweetly taught me recently what an amazing blessing and opportunity it is to lift someone up in prayer to the God of the universe. The only one that can change the situation and the very one who put the person in my path in the first place.  As I think about the most recent of those three people in my life, I see how much God has used that person to teach me this lesson. There have been things in that person's life that I can do absolutely nothing about. Yet God in all his infinite wisdom has burdened my heart for this person and has woken me up about eight times in the middle of the night at 3 am sharp with a pressing need to lift this person up in prayer. I know that may sound weird, it's even weird for me to say it. But it's true.

The first few times it happened, I really didn't think any thing about it. But as it continued to happen again and again, distinctly at the same time every night, I began to realize just how much God was teaching me to trust His plan for this person. He began to change my heart for the person and He began to show me what a gift it is to be able to intercede for the people he's placed in my life.

As the weeks went on recently I began to experience some guilt, thinking that I had missed an opportunity to live out and to be an example of Christ to this person. Did I miss out on opportunities with that person, most likely yes. It's hard to admit that but in that guilt, God brought those 3 am wake-ups back and reminded me that He continues to work even when I fail. Praise God, His work does not stop because of my lack of faithfulness. What I've also realized recently is this- as much as I care about the people God brings into my life, as much as I want to fix their problems or help in certain ways, God cares about them so much more. They are His creation and the love that He has for them, like the love He has for me, is something I'll never truly be able to comprehend.

I don't know the people that God has in your life today. I don't know if they are the stranger that you pass at the grocery store to never see again, if they are a family member, or if they are a dear friend. I don't know if you're thankful for them in your life, or if you are crying out to God wondering why on earth that person continues to be in your life. What I do know is this- there is no one in your life today that God does not intend to be there. I don’t know why and you might not ever know that either. But please remember that there is a God that is working all things together for good. He may ask you to step up and physically help that person in the situation they are currently in. He may ask you to give a gentle smile and "Hello" that completely changes a life. He may also ask you to daily bring that person to His throne in pray at 3 am for the next two weeks.

Whatever it is that he's asking you to do, understand and know that He did not create you to go through this life alone and that he wants you to be intentional with the people that he puts before you. That is not always easy but I'm learning that no matter how long or short someone's time is in my life, there is always a reason, even when I don’t understand it and I will trust (hopefully a little more each day) that God is working and that He will be glorified through my interactions with His people. 

Moment-By-Moment Decisions To Reach For Grace On A Bad Day

Can I be honest with you and tell you that some days life is hard? Some days I wake up thinking my day is going to go one way and instead it goes a completely different way. For a person that likes to be in charge, who likes to plan, and know exactly what to expect for the day ahead, that's not always easy. On days like that, days like today, I have to constantly remind myself that a bad day does NOT equal a bad life. Please tell me I'm not the only person that feels this way.

Today was one of those days. I fully expected the day to turn out one way and from the very beginning it headed in a different direction.  Today was a day where my overly active girly emotions threatened to take over multiple times (for a rather stupid reason I might add)  and I had to fight hard to keep them in check. Today was a day where I had to make a conscious effort all day long not to get irritated with those around me. I had to make a choice not to be cranky and upset by every little thing and at times it was hard.

Today was what I like to call a moment-by-moment day. One of those days where I have to ask for God's grace and peace moment-by-moment. Can I tell you how thankful I am that He offers that unfathomable grace and peace to me?

I am so very undeserving of the grace that God gives me. There is NOTHING I will ever be able to do to deserve it but for some reason, He is always there, always offering it to me.  Days when I feel like things are falling apart, He is there holding it all together in His hands. Colossians 1:17 tells us this-

"He is before all things, and in him all things hold together."

I'm so thankful that the creator of the universe holds all things together in His hands so we don't have to. In my head I know this truth, I know in those moments where chaos sets in, He is whispering for me to let go, to trust that He's got it. Yet it seems like a lesson I'm constantly having to learn over and over again.

When I look back over the last several months, I see God's teaching of this very lesson in my life. I hear His voice calling out for me to let go of the situation, trusting fully that He is in control and He is holding all things together.

I think in life however, it's hard for us to do that at times. At least it is for me. We live in a society that is driven my selfishness. Everything around us is geared towards making us happy, making sure we get exactly what we want, making sure everything is smooth sailing. And that's not reality. We have become so consumed with our own personal happiness and making sure everything in life goes exactly according to our plans, we have taken the reins back from the only one who has walked the path before us.

We often decide we know better than He does and we often take a short cut just to avoid what appears to be a rocky road ahead. What I find so often in my own life is this- when I try to hold it all together, when I try to map out the route, that's when things fall apart. That’s when a bad day begins to look like a bad life, and those overly active girly emotions begin to pop up again.

The fact of the matter is this- there will ALWAYS be bad days in life. There will ALWAYS be trials and struggles. And God will ALWAYS be there, offering his grace and peace for the moment. I don't think we will ever get to a place in this life where we don't face those bad days. It's a product of a fallen world. I think so often we think that a life in Christ is without struggle, without bad days. And that's simply not the case.

Does God like to see His people suffer? No. Does God allow us to stay in tough situations at times? Yes. But He doesn't do it because he gets enjoyment out of our hardship. He doesn't do it because he likes to see us squirm or because he likes to watch us fight back emotions all day. I think sometimes He allows us to remain in those situations, he allows the apparent bad days to happen because it reinforces our need of Him.

He didn't put us on this earth so we had to figure everything out and do everything on our own.  We are His creation and as such, He wants us to find our strength in Him. He wants to pour out that grace over our lives so that we can be victorious over the situations of our bad days. It's why He sent his son to die for us. Knowing that I don't have to figure it all out on my own, that I don't have to be in charge and that I don't have to hold all things together should be a balm for my wounded spirit on those bad days. Psalm 29:11 tells us-

"The Lord gives strength to his people; the Lord blesses his people with peace."

I firmly believe that in EVERY situation in our lives, God is there pouring out His grace, His peace, His love, and His strength. At some point, we must decide to relinquish control and reach out and take what He is offering. It's a concept that seems so simple, yet on days like today, it often becomes a moment-by-moment decision. And that's ok.

I like to think that one day, I'll welcome the "bad days" of life with a smile on my face knowing that at the end of it,

I'll be closer to the savior than when I started, having reached out and taken hold of His strength and peace with every breath I took.

He is certainly there offering it to each of us. And we each have a choice to make. In every situation, we must choose whether to allow a bad day to seem like a bad life, or to reach out and find the strength that we need, moment-by-moment drawing close to the Savior who's holding all things together.

There will be moments when I fail to reach out and take hold of the strength and grace He is offering. Days when I lose my cool and make a bad situation worse but God will still be right there waiting. Waiting to remind me that His mercies are new every morning and that He has the grace I need moment-by-moment. I just have to decide to take it. 

Why Singleness Doesn't Define Who I Am Anymore.

I've been single for a long time. And for a long time I've hated that label. Single. It's a word that at times is like nails on a chalkboard to my ears and at other times it's a word that passes like a spring breeze. Regardless of how the word makes me feel on any given day, it’s a word that defines my life  right now.  Or at least that's what I've thought for a long time.

The truth is, being single does NOT define who I am. It is a label that others have put on me, that society has put on me, and that I've put on myself. But it doesn't define me. It doesn't change who God created me to be, it doesn't change how much he loves me, and it doesn't change what he says about me. Simple as that. Why is it so hard to remember that?

For a long time, I've allowed that label to define who I am and how I see myself. I've bought into the lie that being 25 and single is who I am. I've seen myself as the single one, the one who doesn't fit in with this group or that group, the one that everyone's judging because I'm not married...do I need to go on?

What I've been learning is that singleness is a chapter and not a label. And it's a chapter that, for the first time in a long time, I can say I'm ok living in.  We all go through chapters of life, some that we enjoy, some that we don't. In each of those chapters, two things hold true: 1) God has a unique set of plans for each of us that can only be accomplished in that chapter, 2) Satan wants to leave us miserable and ineffective where we are.

It's easy for me to say this to other people, it's harder for me to know it (and believe it) in my own life. But I've begun to realize over the last few weeks that God has given me a unique set of circumstances and opportunities that are only available in a chapter of singleness. God has blessed me immensely in allowing me to work with an incredible group of girls in the youth group. They keep me on my toes and they provide constant accountability in making sure I'm living out through actions what I'm teaching them in words.

The more I work with them, the more I realize how different my influence on them would be if I wasn't single during this chapter of life. Being married comes with its own unique circumstances, challenges, and time commitments. I don't have a lot of those time commitments right now because I am single. That allows me more time and freedom to pour into these girls that God has placed in my life. Having those time commitments certainly isn't a bad thing, they're just different than the chapter I'm in right now, just like being married comes with different time commitments than those a married couple with young kids has .

I didn't always see this chapter as a blessing or something that I wanted to continue living in. For a long time, I allowed Satan to leave me miserable and ineffective in this chapter. There were a lot of days that I woke up miserable and unhappy in this chapter, constantly wondering WHY God had me here.  Why did I have to be 25 and single? Why was everyone around me married, or engaged, or having babies?  Why? Why? Why? There were days that I completely ignored the blessings of God in my life simply because I chose to allow a circumstance to become a label that defined who I was instead of living in the chapter God had me in.

I'm learning to take it a day at a time and I'm learning to see this chapter as a blessing and an opportunity. Do I still want to be in a relationship? Yes. Do I still anxiously await the day that this chapter of singleness is over? Yes definitely. But what I want more than that is to live where God has me right now. To be effective , to live out the plans that God has for me here, where he has me today. I want to be an example to the girls that God has placed in my life. I want them to know that its OK to be single. It's ok to embrace this chapter of life and to understand that God has unique plans for them that they can only accomplish where he has them today.

And it's not just true for them. It's true for each and every one of us. I don't know what chapter of life God has you in right now. I don’t know if you're loving it or hating it. What I do know is that God has you there for a reason. He wants to use you where he has you planted. Some days, that might not be easy but believe me, he wants to see you accomplish those plans in HIS strength. He doesn't ask you to do it alone, I promise. He is right there with you, waiting for you to turn to him, to embrace the full life that he has for you, and to stop allowing a chapter to become a label.

The thing about chapters is this- they always have an ending. Some chapters are much longer than others but the pages continue to turn, life continues to move forward, and chapters end. At times we experience happiness at the end of chapters, other times we experience sorrow.  I don’t know how long God will have you in this chapter, I don't know how long he will have me in this chapter of singleness. But I trust him. I trust that he will lead when I have no idea what direction to walk. I trust that he will use me where he has me planted if I allow myself to focus on him. I know that he is a good God. He is a God that loved me enough to send his son to die on a cross for me and I know that he doesn't withhold any good thing from His children. Sometimes the circumstances of a chapter may cause me to question this, but it does not change who God is.

There will be days that it's not easy in this chapter, days that I certainly don't enjoy it, but I will trust God. I trust that as long as he has me in this chapter, he will have a plan for me here. I don't have to do it alone, I don’t have to figure it all out. And I certainly don't have to allow circumstances or chapters to become labels that make me question who God says I am. You don’t have to either!

I'm begging you sweet friends, know this- God says that YOU ARE HIS. He loves you and he knows you. He created you and he knows the number of hairs on your head. Never once did he intend for a chapter to become a label that defines who you are. That is a lie from Satan. You are His. He will ask you to walk through countless chapters of life as you take steps toward eternity with him but never once will he say that those chapters define who you are. Don't forget that, don't let the circumstances of your day make you question the plans he has for you. No matter how long the chapter,  You are His.

Grace And Forgiveness In A Body Of Believers.

*Let me start with a disclaimer...this post is for me. It's something I'm dealing with and learning in my own life right now. If you read it and at any point think, "she's talking about me," I'm not. If God uses something I say to speak to you, that's Him not me.  I'm also talking about relationships WITHIN the body of Christ here. I'm NOT talking about relationships with unbelievers, I believe those are different and at times, there has to a separation from those relationships, I believe we are called to live differently with believers. Now that we're all clear on that point...here we go.

Do you know that relationships are hard? Do you know that sometimes I struggle with seeing people through God's eyes instead of my imperfect sinful eyes? Do you know that there are people that I have a hard time getting along with or even caring about at times for a number of different reasons? Do you know that sometimes I fail miserably at loving people like I've been called to? Do you know that I want to be different, that I want to change all those short comings and be a person that loves the way God created her to love?

The older I get, the more I realize that we are all extremely imperfect people. We all fail, we all make mistakes, we all mess up and hurt people around us at times. And sometimes we forget that we're called to love despite the failures.  Sometimes the ones we hurt are those closest to us. Sometimes they're our brothers and sisters in Christ, they are the body of Christ and unfortunately at times, they're the people we hurt the worst. What I'm learning (or maybe just being reminded of) is this...division in the body does not glorify God.

I often wonder why there's so much division and hurt between the people of God at times. I wonder why the very people who claim to be different, who claim to be reflections of Christ spend more time hurting each other than they do living out the love of the gospel. And the only answer I can come up with is this- there is division between believers because as believers, we are failing to live out the very foundation of the gospel- grace and forgiveness.

If there's one thing I know for sure it’s this, I am a sinner who did not and will not ever deserve the grace and forgiveness that God gave me when he sent his son to die on the cross. But for some reason, defying all logic and human understanding, he chose to send his son anyway. And it wasn't just for me. It was for me, it was for you, it was for every single person that will ever have breath in their lungs.

When I chose to be a follower of Christ, when I made that decision to accept the sacrifice that was made for me, I made a decision to live differently. I made a decision to work each day to look more and more like Christ to those around me. Do I fail? Frequently. Will I ever have it all together and be where I should be? Never in this life. But that doesn't mean that I shouldn't do everything I can to live differently.

I think one of the biggest steps I have to take to live a life that reflects God, is to love his people the way he loves me. I have to be willing to offer grace and forgiveness to those around me, even when I don't think they deserve it. If I don't love my brothers and sisters in Christ how on earth will I EVER reflect the love of God to a lost and dying world that  doesn’t know him? The truth is I won't. If the body of Christ is fighting against itself it's completely incapable of carrying out the great commission to carry the gospel to the ends of the earth. End of story.

If I'm being honest with you, I can say this, there are people that I don't necessarily like. There are people that I think have done things that are unforgivable and there are people that I think my life's better without. There are people that have said things against me, people who have ignored me, people that have done things to deliberately hurt or undermine me, but what God's been teaching me now for months is this...regardless of what those people have done, no one has crucified me on a cross for my sins. Nothing that anyone has done to me, or will ever do to me, comes close to the crucifixion Jesus faced, and somehow he still managed to offer grace and forgiveness to a group of people that would never deserve it. 

I think that's what it really comes down to. Jesus got what he didn’t deserve. He took the punishment for my sins when he didn’t have to. That’s a sacrifice and a gift of grace and forgiveness that I base my entire foundation of faith and my life on. But somewhere along the way, I started acting like that grace and forgiveness was only for me. I've treated members of the body like they didn't deserve that same grace and forgiveness, simply because I wasn’t living a life that reflects the Savior.

God has used recent situations and strained relationships to teach me just how far off I am and how much work I still have to do. I have heard him whisper, "This does not glorify me." I know in the depths of who I am that division in the body does not reflect the life God called us to. Never once did Jesus tell us we could offer grace and forgiveness to the people we felt deserved it. Yet when I choose to withhold grace and forgiveness, I allow satan to have a foothold in the body. I allow him to win. I allow him to leave me broken and ineffective. That's what he wants. He wants me to live continually   focusing on my hurt and he wants to leave me weary and unsure of relationships with anyone. 

When I allow hate, anger, resentment, hard feelings, etc. to grow between myself and other believers, I  look no different from the world. I also leave unbelievers wondering why they would even want  what I have. Why would anyone want to be a part of something that tears down and hurts its own members?

Let me say it again, nothing about division between believers glorifies God. When there is unforgivness in the body, it stands in direct opposition to the truth of the gospel. It destroys lives and it leaves people hurting. Is it a problem that will ever be completely resolved? I don't think so. In theory, it would be easy. We would all get along, we would all build each other up, we would all live out the command to love our neighbor as ourselves and we would all function as a unified body of believers reflecting Christ love. But I'm afraid that will never be complete realty.

As much as we may strive to reach that goal, we are all still sinners. By our very nature, we will never be able to completely reflect Christ in his perfect sinless nature. We will always fail. There will always be times when I hurt people around me and when they hurt me. But that’s where grace comes in. At some point I have to be willing to offer forgiveness even when people don't deserve it.  I've got to start somewhere. I've got to start trying to be different. I've got to start seeing people through God's eyes, especially fellow believers, and I've got to start letting people off the hook for hurts.

I know that won't be easy. Please don’t think I'm saying it will. I know that at times, grace and forgiveness will be the last thing on my mind but I truly honestly feel that it is never in God's plan for there to be division among believers.  Yes there will be times when I don't see eye to eye with people. Yes, there will be times when people have to hold me accountable for my actions and I don't like it. Yes there will be times when I have to distance myself from people, but I think God's ultimate goal is always restoration of relationships within the body so that HE might be glorified and reflected to a lost and dying world.

Don't get me wrong, I am certainly not saying we have to have a close relationship with every person, I don’t think that's what God is calling us to. Jesus surrounded himself with a small group of people and I think it's important that we each have a close circle of people in our lives that pour into us and hold us accountable for our actions. But while living in and doing life with that close circle, I think we also have to be willing to have relationships with other believers, living in a unified body that says, "I forgive you no matter what."

Because ultimately that's what Jesus said. He placed himself on a cross and he said, "even though you won't ever deserve this, I'm still choosing to offer my grace and forgiveness. " I know there are relationships in my life that need restoration. I know that there are believers that God is calling me to "let off the hook" for wrongs. I know it and I want to do it. It is not easy, and sometimes it goes against every part of my nature. But at some point, I have to decide that living in a unified body of believers that reflects the grace and forgiveness of Christ while carrying the gospel to a lost and dying world is more important than my own personal feelings. And sometimes that's hard because of my own selfishness...and that's a topic for another post.