Why Singleness Doesn't Define Who I Am Anymore.

I've been single for a long time. And for a long time I've hated that label. Single. It's a word that at times is like nails on a chalkboard to my ears and at other times it's a word that passes like a spring breeze. Regardless of how the word makes me feel on any given day, it’s a word that defines my life  right now.  Or at least that's what I've thought for a long time.

The truth is, being single does NOT define who I am. It is a label that others have put on me, that society has put on me, and that I've put on myself. But it doesn't define me. It doesn't change who God created me to be, it doesn't change how much he loves me, and it doesn't change what he says about me. Simple as that. Why is it so hard to remember that?

For a long time, I've allowed that label to define who I am and how I see myself. I've bought into the lie that being 25 and single is who I am. I've seen myself as the single one, the one who doesn't fit in with this group or that group, the one that everyone's judging because I'm not married...do I need to go on?

What I've been learning is that singleness is a chapter and not a label. And it's a chapter that, for the first time in a long time, I can say I'm ok living in.  We all go through chapters of life, some that we enjoy, some that we don't. In each of those chapters, two things hold true: 1) God has a unique set of plans for each of us that can only be accomplished in that chapter, 2) Satan wants to leave us miserable and ineffective where we are.

It's easy for me to say this to other people, it's harder for me to know it (and believe it) in my own life. But I've begun to realize over the last few weeks that God has given me a unique set of circumstances and opportunities that are only available in a chapter of singleness. God has blessed me immensely in allowing me to work with an incredible group of girls in the youth group. They keep me on my toes and they provide constant accountability in making sure I'm living out through actions what I'm teaching them in words.

The more I work with them, the more I realize how different my influence on them would be if I wasn't single during this chapter of life. Being married comes with its own unique circumstances, challenges, and time commitments. I don't have a lot of those time commitments right now because I am single. That allows me more time and freedom to pour into these girls that God has placed in my life. Having those time commitments certainly isn't a bad thing, they're just different than the chapter I'm in right now, just like being married comes with different time commitments than those a married couple with young kids has .

I didn't always see this chapter as a blessing or something that I wanted to continue living in. For a long time, I allowed Satan to leave me miserable and ineffective in this chapter. There were a lot of days that I woke up miserable and unhappy in this chapter, constantly wondering WHY God had me here.  Why did I have to be 25 and single? Why was everyone around me married, or engaged, or having babies?  Why? Why? Why? There were days that I completely ignored the blessings of God in my life simply because I chose to allow a circumstance to become a label that defined who I was instead of living in the chapter God had me in.

I'm learning to take it a day at a time and I'm learning to see this chapter as a blessing and an opportunity. Do I still want to be in a relationship? Yes. Do I still anxiously await the day that this chapter of singleness is over? Yes definitely. But what I want more than that is to live where God has me right now. To be effective , to live out the plans that God has for me here, where he has me today. I want to be an example to the girls that God has placed in my life. I want them to know that its OK to be single. It's ok to embrace this chapter of life and to understand that God has unique plans for them that they can only accomplish where he has them today.

And it's not just true for them. It's true for each and every one of us. I don't know what chapter of life God has you in right now. I don’t know if you're loving it or hating it. What I do know is that God has you there for a reason. He wants to use you where he has you planted. Some days, that might not be easy but believe me, he wants to see you accomplish those plans in HIS strength. He doesn't ask you to do it alone, I promise. He is right there with you, waiting for you to turn to him, to embrace the full life that he has for you, and to stop allowing a chapter to become a label.

The thing about chapters is this- they always have an ending. Some chapters are much longer than others but the pages continue to turn, life continues to move forward, and chapters end. At times we experience happiness at the end of chapters, other times we experience sorrow.  I don’t know how long God will have you in this chapter, I don't know how long he will have me in this chapter of singleness. But I trust him. I trust that he will lead when I have no idea what direction to walk. I trust that he will use me where he has me planted if I allow myself to focus on him. I know that he is a good God. He is a God that loved me enough to send his son to die on a cross for me and I know that he doesn't withhold any good thing from His children. Sometimes the circumstances of a chapter may cause me to question this, but it does not change who God is.

There will be days that it's not easy in this chapter, days that I certainly don't enjoy it, but I will trust God. I trust that as long as he has me in this chapter, he will have a plan for me here. I don't have to do it alone, I don’t have to figure it all out. And I certainly don't have to allow circumstances or chapters to become labels that make me question who God says I am. You don’t have to either!

I'm begging you sweet friends, know this- God says that YOU ARE HIS. He loves you and he knows you. He created you and he knows the number of hairs on your head. Never once did he intend for a chapter to become a label that defines who you are. That is a lie from Satan. You are His. He will ask you to walk through countless chapters of life as you take steps toward eternity with him but never once will he say that those chapters define who you are. Don't forget that, don't let the circumstances of your day make you question the plans he has for you. No matter how long the chapter,  You are His.