Why Singleness Doesn't Define Who I Am Anymore.

I've been single for a long time. And for a long time I've hated that label. Single. It's a word that at times is like nails on a chalkboard to my ears and at other times it's a word that passes like a spring breeze. Regardless of how the word makes me feel on any given day, it’s a word that defines my life  right now.  Or at least that's what I've thought for a long time.

The truth is, being single does NOT define who I am. It is a label that others have put on me, that society has put on me, and that I've put on myself. But it doesn't define me. It doesn't change who God created me to be, it doesn't change how much he loves me, and it doesn't change what he says about me. Simple as that. Why is it so hard to remember that?

For a long time, I've allowed that label to define who I am and how I see myself. I've bought into the lie that being 25 and single is who I am. I've seen myself as the single one, the one who doesn't fit in with this group or that group, the one that everyone's judging because I'm not married...do I need to go on?

What I've been learning is that singleness is a chapter and not a label. And it's a chapter that, for the first time in a long time, I can say I'm ok living in.  We all go through chapters of life, some that we enjoy, some that we don't. In each of those chapters, two things hold true: 1) God has a unique set of plans for each of us that can only be accomplished in that chapter, 2) Satan wants to leave us miserable and ineffective where we are.

It's easy for me to say this to other people, it's harder for me to know it (and believe it) in my own life. But I've begun to realize over the last few weeks that God has given me a unique set of circumstances and opportunities that are only available in a chapter of singleness. God has blessed me immensely in allowing me to work with an incredible group of girls in the youth group. They keep me on my toes and they provide constant accountability in making sure I'm living out through actions what I'm teaching them in words.

The more I work with them, the more I realize how different my influence on them would be if I wasn't single during this chapter of life. Being married comes with its own unique circumstances, challenges, and time commitments. I don't have a lot of those time commitments right now because I am single. That allows me more time and freedom to pour into these girls that God has placed in my life. Having those time commitments certainly isn't a bad thing, they're just different than the chapter I'm in right now, just like being married comes with different time commitments than those a married couple with young kids has .

I didn't always see this chapter as a blessing or something that I wanted to continue living in. For a long time, I allowed Satan to leave me miserable and ineffective in this chapter. There were a lot of days that I woke up miserable and unhappy in this chapter, constantly wondering WHY God had me here.  Why did I have to be 25 and single? Why was everyone around me married, or engaged, or having babies?  Why? Why? Why? There were days that I completely ignored the blessings of God in my life simply because I chose to allow a circumstance to become a label that defined who I was instead of living in the chapter God had me in.

I'm learning to take it a day at a time and I'm learning to see this chapter as a blessing and an opportunity. Do I still want to be in a relationship? Yes. Do I still anxiously await the day that this chapter of singleness is over? Yes definitely. But what I want more than that is to live where God has me right now. To be effective , to live out the plans that God has for me here, where he has me today. I want to be an example to the girls that God has placed in my life. I want them to know that its OK to be single. It's ok to embrace this chapter of life and to understand that God has unique plans for them that they can only accomplish where he has them today.

And it's not just true for them. It's true for each and every one of us. I don't know what chapter of life God has you in right now. I don’t know if you're loving it or hating it. What I do know is that God has you there for a reason. He wants to use you where he has you planted. Some days, that might not be easy but believe me, he wants to see you accomplish those plans in HIS strength. He doesn't ask you to do it alone, I promise. He is right there with you, waiting for you to turn to him, to embrace the full life that he has for you, and to stop allowing a chapter to become a label.

The thing about chapters is this- they always have an ending. Some chapters are much longer than others but the pages continue to turn, life continues to move forward, and chapters end. At times we experience happiness at the end of chapters, other times we experience sorrow.  I don’t know how long God will have you in this chapter, I don't know how long he will have me in this chapter of singleness. But I trust him. I trust that he will lead when I have no idea what direction to walk. I trust that he will use me where he has me planted if I allow myself to focus on him. I know that he is a good God. He is a God that loved me enough to send his son to die on a cross for me and I know that he doesn't withhold any good thing from His children. Sometimes the circumstances of a chapter may cause me to question this, but it does not change who God is.

There will be days that it's not easy in this chapter, days that I certainly don't enjoy it, but I will trust God. I trust that as long as he has me in this chapter, he will have a plan for me here. I don't have to do it alone, I don’t have to figure it all out. And I certainly don't have to allow circumstances or chapters to become labels that make me question who God says I am. You don’t have to either!

I'm begging you sweet friends, know this- God says that YOU ARE HIS. He loves you and he knows you. He created you and he knows the number of hairs on your head. Never once did he intend for a chapter to become a label that defines who you are. That is a lie from Satan. You are His. He will ask you to walk through countless chapters of life as you take steps toward eternity with him but never once will he say that those chapters define who you are. Don't forget that, don't let the circumstances of your day make you question the plans he has for you. No matter how long the chapter,  You are His.

Grace And Forgiveness In A Body Of Believers.

*Let me start with a disclaimer...this post is for me. It's something I'm dealing with and learning in my own life right now. If you read it and at any point think, "she's talking about me," I'm not. If God uses something I say to speak to you, that's Him not me.  I'm also talking about relationships WITHIN the body of Christ here. I'm NOT talking about relationships with unbelievers, I believe those are different and at times, there has to a separation from those relationships, I believe we are called to live differently with believers. Now that we're all clear on that point...here we go.

Do you know that relationships are hard? Do you know that sometimes I struggle with seeing people through God's eyes instead of my imperfect sinful eyes? Do you know that there are people that I have a hard time getting along with or even caring about at times for a number of different reasons? Do you know that sometimes I fail miserably at loving people like I've been called to? Do you know that I want to be different, that I want to change all those short comings and be a person that loves the way God created her to love?

The older I get, the more I realize that we are all extremely imperfect people. We all fail, we all make mistakes, we all mess up and hurt people around us at times. And sometimes we forget that we're called to love despite the failures.  Sometimes the ones we hurt are those closest to us. Sometimes they're our brothers and sisters in Christ, they are the body of Christ and unfortunately at times, they're the people we hurt the worst. What I'm learning (or maybe just being reminded of) is this...division in the body does not glorify God.

I often wonder why there's so much division and hurt between the people of God at times. I wonder why the very people who claim to be different, who claim to be reflections of Christ spend more time hurting each other than they do living out the love of the gospel. And the only answer I can come up with is this- there is division between believers because as believers, we are failing to live out the very foundation of the gospel- grace and forgiveness.

If there's one thing I know for sure it’s this, I am a sinner who did not and will not ever deserve the grace and forgiveness that God gave me when he sent his son to die on the cross. But for some reason, defying all logic and human understanding, he chose to send his son anyway. And it wasn't just for me. It was for me, it was for you, it was for every single person that will ever have breath in their lungs.

When I chose to be a follower of Christ, when I made that decision to accept the sacrifice that was made for me, I made a decision to live differently. I made a decision to work each day to look more and more like Christ to those around me. Do I fail? Frequently. Will I ever have it all together and be where I should be? Never in this life. But that doesn't mean that I shouldn't do everything I can to live differently.

I think one of the biggest steps I have to take to live a life that reflects God, is to love his people the way he loves me. I have to be willing to offer grace and forgiveness to those around me, even when I don't think they deserve it. If I don't love my brothers and sisters in Christ how on earth will I EVER reflect the love of God to a lost and dying world that  doesn’t know him? The truth is I won't. If the body of Christ is fighting against itself it's completely incapable of carrying out the great commission to carry the gospel to the ends of the earth. End of story.

If I'm being honest with you, I can say this, there are people that I don't necessarily like. There are people that I think have done things that are unforgivable and there are people that I think my life's better without. There are people that have said things against me, people who have ignored me, people that have done things to deliberately hurt or undermine me, but what God's been teaching me now for months is this...regardless of what those people have done, no one has crucified me on a cross for my sins. Nothing that anyone has done to me, or will ever do to me, comes close to the crucifixion Jesus faced, and somehow he still managed to offer grace and forgiveness to a group of people that would never deserve it. 

I think that's what it really comes down to. Jesus got what he didn’t deserve. He took the punishment for my sins when he didn’t have to. That’s a sacrifice and a gift of grace and forgiveness that I base my entire foundation of faith and my life on. But somewhere along the way, I started acting like that grace and forgiveness was only for me. I've treated members of the body like they didn't deserve that same grace and forgiveness, simply because I wasn’t living a life that reflects the Savior.

God has used recent situations and strained relationships to teach me just how far off I am and how much work I still have to do. I have heard him whisper, "This does not glorify me." I know in the depths of who I am that division in the body does not reflect the life God called us to. Never once did Jesus tell us we could offer grace and forgiveness to the people we felt deserved it. Yet when I choose to withhold grace and forgiveness, I allow satan to have a foothold in the body. I allow him to win. I allow him to leave me broken and ineffective. That's what he wants. He wants me to live continually   focusing on my hurt and he wants to leave me weary and unsure of relationships with anyone. 

When I allow hate, anger, resentment, hard feelings, etc. to grow between myself and other believers, I  look no different from the world. I also leave unbelievers wondering why they would even want  what I have. Why would anyone want to be a part of something that tears down and hurts its own members?

Let me say it again, nothing about division between believers glorifies God. When there is unforgivness in the body, it stands in direct opposition to the truth of the gospel. It destroys lives and it leaves people hurting. Is it a problem that will ever be completely resolved? I don't think so. In theory, it would be easy. We would all get along, we would all build each other up, we would all live out the command to love our neighbor as ourselves and we would all function as a unified body of believers reflecting Christ love. But I'm afraid that will never be complete realty.

As much as we may strive to reach that goal, we are all still sinners. By our very nature, we will never be able to completely reflect Christ in his perfect sinless nature. We will always fail. There will always be times when I hurt people around me and when they hurt me. But that’s where grace comes in. At some point I have to be willing to offer forgiveness even when people don't deserve it.  I've got to start somewhere. I've got to start trying to be different. I've got to start seeing people through God's eyes, especially fellow believers, and I've got to start letting people off the hook for hurts.

I know that won't be easy. Please don’t think I'm saying it will. I know that at times, grace and forgiveness will be the last thing on my mind but I truly honestly feel that it is never in God's plan for there to be division among believers.  Yes there will be times when I don't see eye to eye with people. Yes, there will be times when people have to hold me accountable for my actions and I don't like it. Yes there will be times when I have to distance myself from people, but I think God's ultimate goal is always restoration of relationships within the body so that HE might be glorified and reflected to a lost and dying world.

Don't get me wrong, I am certainly not saying we have to have a close relationship with every person, I don’t think that's what God is calling us to. Jesus surrounded himself with a small group of people and I think it's important that we each have a close circle of people in our lives that pour into us and hold us accountable for our actions. But while living in and doing life with that close circle, I think we also have to be willing to have relationships with other believers, living in a unified body that says, "I forgive you no matter what."

Because ultimately that's what Jesus said. He placed himself on a cross and he said, "even though you won't ever deserve this, I'm still choosing to offer my grace and forgiveness. " I know there are relationships in my life that need restoration. I know that there are believers that God is calling me to "let off the hook" for wrongs. I know it and I want to do it. It is not easy, and sometimes it goes against every part of my nature. But at some point, I have to decide that living in a unified body of believers that reflects the grace and forgiveness of Christ while carrying the gospel to a lost and dying world is more important than my own personal feelings. And sometimes that's hard because of my own selfishness...and that's a topic for another post. 

One Year Later.

A year ago my life changed forever. A year ago, what seemed to be a normal evening turned into a night that I will never forget, not because of anything I did, but because we serve a God who has mighty plans and who chooses to use his people where he has them planted.

 

A year ago, I was at a candidate forum to support my grandpa who was running for a second term as county commissioner. I was back at the community center in my hometown and had jokingly made the comment to my mom about the "joys" of living close to home again and being able to attend events like this.

 

Several minutes into the forum, a gentleman went into cardiac arrest. In those first few seconds, it takes your brain some time to realize what's happening. People quickly began yelling for a doctor or nurse but it didn't appear that there were any in the room. One thing that sticks out in my mind about those first few moments is the look my mom gave me. It was a look that said "you have to do something" with no words at all.

 

And that's where God began to work. If you know anything about me, you know I'm a physical therapist. My daily job duties don't typically include emergency situations but by the grace of God I had learned CPR in PT School.

 

I honestly don't remember deciding to get up and help, as soon as I saw my mom's look, my body was already moving. I soon realized, beginning CPR was the only option in the situation and despite the fear running through my body, somehow that training took over.

 

Thankfully the volunteer fire department arrived on the scene after what seemed like hours of CPR  and had the gentleman talking before he left for the hospital.

 

I don't like to tell this story very often because I don't like the attention that it sometimes brings. I wanted to share it on the blog with you all today for a few reasons 1) because you have so graciously allowed me to be open and honest without fear of judgement since beginning this blog and most importantly 2) I wanted to share with you what GOD did that night.

 

You see, God didn't leave me to initiate CPR on my own until the fire department arrived. As he so often does for us, he provided me with two other people right there with me, to carry the load, and to help perform the CPR. Those two people, Katie and Ken played as much of a role in that night as I did and I will never be able to thank them enough for what they did to help.

 

Isn't that amazing? One of the most beautiful things about this life is that God doesn't require us to go at it alone. He ALWAYS places people in our lives at the exact right moment to carry the burden and ease the load. He definitely did that for me that night and has continued to work out a new friendship with Katie these last few months. In something that started so horribly, God has brought a rich blessing of friendship to my life. 

 

God also equipped me with the tools I would need that night. Several months before the candidate forum, the community center had purchased and AED. I am convinced that without that machine, the night would have had a much different ending. Aren't you glad that God provides us with the tools we need for each and every situation we will face in life? Ephesians 6 tells us of the full armor of God. I'm so glad that I don't have to go out into battle empty handed.

 

Looking back another thing I've realized about that night is that God had been preparing me for that exact moment long before I had to start CPR that night. Not only had I taken CPR in PT school, but miraculously that training had come back to me in that moment.

I also looked back over the verses I had read in the days and weeks leading up to that night, and I again saw God's provision in equipping me for one of the most terrifying situations of my life through his own words of strength and provision.

 

Psalm 73:21-24- Nevertheless I am continually with You; You have taken hold of my right hand. With Your counsel You will guide me, and afterward receive me in glory (Read 1/23/14)

 

Psalm 116:5-9- Gracious is the Lord, and righteous; Yes our God is compassionate. The Lord preserves the simple; I was brought low, and he saved me. Return to your rest, oh my soul, for the Lord has dealt bountifully with you. For you have rescued my soul from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling. I shall walk before the Lord knows the land of the living. (Read 1/25/14)

 

Isaiah 40:13- For I am the Lord your God, who upholds your right hand, who says to you, do not fear, I will help you.

 

And then, as if God hadn't already done enough in providing help, providing the tools needed, and preparing me in advance, he went ahead and outdid himself by allowing me the opportunity the next day to meet and get to know the man He had saved that night. When I think back on that night, that's the part that brings me to tears. That's the part that brings me to my knees and causes me to realize how unworthy I am and how good God is. He definitely didn't have to do that, but that's what he does ladies and gentlemen. He is that good, he gives us what we don't deserve, he showers blessings that are beyond what we can comprehend and he uses us in unlikely situations.

 

Like I said earlier, I don't tell this story a lot, mostly because I don't want it to be an example or a story about what I did. I want it to be a story about what God did. And what he wants to do in each of our lives. I know that sometimes the story doesn't always play out like it did that night, people don't always make it but what is true is that God is ALWAYS good. He is ALWAYS in control and he is ALWAYS working.

 

If you don't remember anything else I've said, please remember that. Remember that God is ALWAYS working and he wants to use you where you are. He created you to live a full life and he created you with a purpose that only YOU can fulfill. Don't forget that. Don't let fear or doubt rob you of what God wants to do in and through you in that situation.

 

He is a good and faithful God, I know that for sure. I know that when the situation seems impossible, when life and death are at the door, he is there. He is there, providing the provision for you in the moment, never leaving you or forsaking you, or expecting you to figure it out on your own.

 

I don't know what you're dealing with in your life today and I don't know what God's calling you too, but I do know that He loves you and he wants to use you. He is ready to walk hand in hand with you into whatever situation is before you. Keep your chin up and remember, he just might lead you into a situation that changes your whole life.